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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Submissivedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: eggshells
    ASL Info:    23/M/WA
    Elite Ratio:    3.19 - 29/75/68
    Words: 135
    Class/Type: Poetry/Mirror or Mask
    Total Views: 651
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1053



    Description:
       A song I wrote but also works as good poetry, tell me what you think of it, and don't mind my comments earlier I actually do want advice, I was just being close-minded... thank-you!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSubmissivedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Angle of your eyes
    Light perception
    Glorious wings of my deception
    Help me fly
    Help me get away

    Deciet
    Colliding with my lies
    Fabled talks
    Of reality arise
    Questioning your god
    Toungue swollen
    I can't talk
    Horns a grown'
    Teeth a snappin'
    Soul a flowin'
    Satan a clappin'


    Body, expires
    But soul eternal
    Water, couldn't douse your fires
    Cold eyes are stern and all
    Your demons
    And all
    The angels
    Couldn't back you down from your decision
    As all frown
    Couldn't grasp your vision
    You wouldn't listen
    To your hyprocrysms
    Now we all suffer
    Choked on your supper


    Angle of your eyes
    Light perception
    Glorious wings of my deception
    Help me fly
    Help me fly
    Help me fly
    Help me get away!

    end
    fin fin fin




    Submitted on 2008-06-27 15:01:45     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Wow. Quite a rythym. Its great. Its like badada. You know? You're obviously very talented!


    Suggestion: in the lines

    Cold eyes are stern and all
    Your demons
    And all
    The angels

    could it be made...

    Cold eyes are stern
    and all
    Your demons
    and all
    the angels

    or

    Cold eyes are stern and all
    your demons
    and all the angels...
    | Posted on 2008-06-27 00:00:00 | by SweetAndOhSoME | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
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    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    163047

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

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    January 10 07
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