Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Love's Memorydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Peggy Paris
    ASL Info:    61/F/USA
    Elite Ratio:    4.11 - 747/570/167
    Words: 109
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 646
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 798



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLove's Memorydots
    -------------------------------------------


    At twilight, when day's done,
    Moon faces toward the setting sun
    To bid her rays adieu
    And smile upon the likes of you.

    As darkness deepens wide
    Across the hills and countryside,
    Each star shines bright and true
    Just like the love I promise you.

    Tonight, our bodies soar
    To heights that speak of evermore
    In silent moments spent
    Embracing love with hearts content.

    Each heartbeat, breath, and sigh
    Makes passion's flow intensify
    Until we melt content
    Within the moment twilight lent.

    If time could only pause,
    This night would offer ample cause
    For nothing else could be
    More perfect than love's memory.





    Submitted on 2008-06-27 19:24:33     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      As always, an excellent poem from one of my favourite authors.

    I love the way you personified the moon and the sun, the moon blocking out the suns ray and smiling back on him, I can almost see the moon wicking at you. A Great way to portrait his anxiousness for the memory to be born,

    As his love for you, your love shines back on him, this love is alive and in you, which makes this more than just a memory.

    In line two, the meter seems off, it ends in a single beat with the "sun", a great way to emphasise the strong sun or its bright rays, although I do not think it was you intention.

    Another great write,
    | Posted on 2008-07-04 00:00:00 | by Polydectes | [ Reply to This ]
      AH! Someone that understands how to rhyme well. Too often I see people force rhymes out, and they can't work that way at all. It must flow or it will never work right. I am normally against the rhyme, but you do it well so hats off on this.

    I also love the idea of finding beauty in the darkness of twilight. I have nothing to offer you but praise here.
    | Posted on 2008-06-28 00:00:00 | by nicodemous | [ Reply to This ]
      This was a beautiful piece:) I loved these lines:

    "Until we melt content
    Within the moment twilight lent"

    I thought it was a great view that the twilight had given them this moment, rather then the characters taking it. It makes the poem seem softer overall, more romantic than quick sex.

    I love the last stanza as well, the idea that this one night should be the temptation time needs to stand still, just for its perfection and love.

    Truly great write:)

    -Steph
    | Posted on 2008-06-28 00:00:00 | by SheetMusic | [ Reply to This ]
      Aaah, love's memory! As precious, almost, as the reality! And, a coal to keep love's fires burning always! Lovely, delightful, and wistful love poem! Another excellent poem, Sharon!



    | Posted on 2008-06-27 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    163057

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    To written by SavedDragon
    This written by Chelebel
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Incubus written by monad
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    untitled written by Chelebel
    To Glow written by krs3332003
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry