[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Love's Memorydots

    Author: Peggy Paris
    ASL Info:    61/F/USA
    Elite Ratio:    4.11 - 747/570/167
    Words: 109
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 625
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 798


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLove's Memorydots

    At twilight, when day's done,
    Moon faces toward the setting sun
    To bid her rays adieu
    And smile upon the likes of you.

    As darkness deepens wide
    Across the hills and countryside,
    Each star shines bright and true
    Just like the love I promise you.

    Tonight, our bodies soar
    To heights that speak of evermore
    In silent moments spent
    Embracing love with hearts content.

    Each heartbeat, breath, and sigh
    Makes passion's flow intensify
    Until we melt content
    Within the moment twilight lent.

    If time could only pause,
    This night would offer ample cause
    For nothing else could be
    More perfect than love's memory.

    Submitted on 2008-06-27 19:24:33     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      As always, an excellent poem from one of my favourite authors.

    I love the way you personified the moon and the sun, the moon blocking out the suns ray and smiling back on him, I can almost see the moon wicking at you. A Great way to portrait his anxiousness for the memory to be born,

    As his love for you, your love shines back on him, this love is alive and in you, which makes this more than just a memory.

    In line two, the meter seems off, it ends in a single beat with the "sun", a great way to emphasise the strong sun or its bright rays, although I do not think it was you intention.

    Another great write,
    | Posted on 2008-07-04 00:00:00 | by Polydectes | [ Reply to This ]
      AH! Someone that understands how to rhyme well. Too often I see people force rhymes out, and they can't work that way at all. It must flow or it will never work right. I am normally against the rhyme, but you do it well so hats off on this.

    I also love the idea of finding beauty in the darkness of twilight. I have nothing to offer you but praise here.
    | Posted on 2008-06-28 00:00:00 | by nicodemous | [ Reply to This ]
      This was a beautiful piece:) I loved these lines:

    "Until we melt content
    Within the moment twilight lent"

    I thought it was a great view that the twilight had given them this moment, rather then the characters taking it. It makes the poem seem softer overall, more romantic than quick sex.

    I love the last stanza as well, the idea that this one night should be the temptation time needs to stand still, just for its perfection and love.

    Truly great write:)

    | Posted on 2008-06-28 00:00:00 | by SheetMusic | [ Reply to This ]
      Aaah, love's memory! As precious, almost, as the reality! And, a coal to keep love's fires burning always! Lovely, delightful, and wistful love poem! Another excellent poem, Sharon!

    | Posted on 2008-06-27 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    Every..... written by jackz
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    written by Daniel Barlow
    written by Daniel Barlow
    the living moment written by ShyOne
    Alone in the Crowd written by SavedDragon
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Brigit written by endlessgame23
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    True Death written by layDsayD
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    Bond written by saartha
    Linger written by saartha
    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD
    You do, I Do written by poetotoe
    Before, Now, & After written by SincerWritinAsh
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Happy Saint Patrick's Day written by poetotoe
    Push written by JanePlane




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]