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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Heartachedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: SweetAndOhSoME
    ASL Info:    16/f/Here
    Elite Ratio:    6.21 - 98/55/40
    Words: 204
    Class/Type: Poetry/BrokenHeart
    Total Views: 61
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1315



    Description:
       This is kind of a two part piece. I wrote the two poems to describe the two aspects of my 'personality' a long time ago. Um.. I will probably put the other piece up soon. It is called Smile. Comment honestly!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHeartachedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Hello, Heartache,
    Do you still think all good fake?

    Do you still believe your going under?
    Is every smile still a blunder?

    Did anyone ever break your wall?
    Is every step a mighty steep fall?

    Oh, Heartache,
    is it anger that makes you shake?

    Sometimes, I think you are truly sad,
    Getting off by acting mad.

    Why do you always sneer?
    Could it be you are full of fear?

    Why must you mock?
    Is it really such a shock?

    Yes, your walls are made of steel,
    Within them you do not feel.

    Yes, your hear is surrounded by barbed wire,
    So, you are never tricked by a smooth liar.

    Yes, your gates stand tall,
    Never can you fall.

    What would happen, Heartache,
    If all your walls did break?

    Do you think you would fall apart,
    Be forced back to start?

    Oh, Heartache, it is getting late.
    Can you beat fate?

    I know you think it is written,
    That you can never be smitten.

    I know you think you are doing great,
    Filled with so much hate.

    Yes, I know how you suffer!
    Did you think you were tougher?




    Submitted on 2008-06-29 21:58:19     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      Hi
    My Friend this is Pretty good but to be perfectly honest the rhyme scheme used interferred a little with the emotion you were trying to express
    Near the middle the rhyme scheme took over and it seemed like you were concentrating more on the rhyme then the emotion
    I have written poems with the same idea myself so I know how letting rid of the emotion inside definately makes one feel better
    Nice Job!!!
    Please if you get a chance Please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think
    Thank You
    God Bless
    Ron
    | Posted on 2008-06-29 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]


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