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    dots Submission Name: At the Gynecologist's Officedots

    Author: annie0888
    ASL Info:    49/f/LA
    Elite Ratio:    4.76 - 327/382/122
    Words: 109
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1163
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 660


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    dotsAt the Gynecologist's Officedots

    Rows and rows of charts on file
    beyond translucent glass
    tell her she’s one of many
    not his one and only
    Yet she disrobes on demand
    disrobes in an exam room
    large enough for him and her
    and his approving nurse
    She sits on fresh butcher paper
    only a folded sheet to cover her
    tender armpits to shaven knees
    Near the sink a single file lies –
    her name alone tabbed at the edge
    He keeps this scrapbook of her submissions
    recording every scraping, every lump
    each bad cell and unchecked growth
    every press of his gloved fingers

    Submitted on 2008-06-30 10:51:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      wow the gynecologist almost like a lover, one who has lost interest...she's become another statistic ...

    she is a cancer for him...a lump he needs to remove.

    and the approving nurse could be the lover waiting to take her place.

    well yes, i go places, probably some that are not intended...

    but your work really intrigues me...

    you are quite good, Annie..

    and i am glad you are back with your new poem.

    i shall continue to visit more of your work...

    i am a fan.

    | Posted on 2012-10-04 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      wow... i have to tell you i'm far from in my right mind at the moment (just left you another comment, during which i caught myself saying, "jeezus... can you be more sterile and distant?" (commenting-wise, that is), so don't judge me by what you see now ). so there are a few things about this that aren't quite clicking...

    for one:

    Yet she disrobes on demand
    disrobes in an exam room

    Ohh... okay... see... i was reading 'on' as 'and,' which completely [censored]ed everything up. sorry about that.

    but still... i think maybe the lack of punctuation (either that, or the repetition in this line) causes slight problems. i think this is the only place, though.

    i like that you don't punctuate, but capitalize, so there's a sense of distinction (though even without that, it's easy to see phrases).

    to me, you've almost set this up to be about a lover, but with that weird twist. if i hadn't read the title, i would have been somewhat confused what your subject was. even so, it's still a bit of a brain-teaser (something about the 'one and only' line makes me think of obsessive students or (more accurately) patients jonesing for old guys). twisted... sort of... and i have to say, you do it artfully, like a really good movie (please excuse that comparison. not in my right mind, you see ). like the lines:

    large enough for him and her
    and his approving nurse

    ... which is like some demented threesome.

    ... again...

    He keeps this scrapbook of her submissions
    recording every scraping, every lump
    each bad cell and unchecked growth
    every press of his gloved fingers

    here, you end with just the right things said and unsaid, but the wording (at least, i'm going with wording-as-culprit) makes it feel as if you've been yanked offstage by one of those cane things.

    and now i'm going to do something that makes me feel dirty inside, and that is: i'm going to show you how i might revise this. i know, i know... but i'm insane, you see?

    He keeps this scrapbook of her submissions
    recording every scraping,
    bad cell and growth
    every press of his gloved fingers,
    each lump checked...

    + one more line/short thought for resolution, which i would not know where to get and also... again... i have no right doing it anyway

    (and psst: the "unchecked growth" thing kind of pokes me weird... wouldn't it be checked, after he got done with her?)

    though maybe, just maybe, this unresolved, tense ending is your style. i've only read a handful of poems of yours, so i cannot say. but i do know i like everything else. and if this is you, then i like it. i'm happy if you are.

    i'm quickly becoming a fan of yours.
    | Posted on 2009-07-21 00:00:00 | by etheror | [ Reply to This ]
      As a female I found your poem uncomfortable because of the reality within, let me explain...I have been the lady with a file (from their point of view) and the lady unrobing and feeling vulnerable and at their mercy (from my point of view). Your poetry made this image very clear to me and thats why I found it uncomfortable. In my opinion, it takes a good artist/poet to bring this sort of vision to life and I congradulate you for that. Well done. Mel.
    | Posted on 2008-06-30 00:00:00 | by litllost | [ Reply to This ]
      This is one really powerful and personal poem
    I congratulate you on having the strength to let these emotions out and put them on paper so they dont weigh you down anymore
    I really like the way this came together and how you explained the whole procedure
    Please if you get a chance Please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think
    Thank You
    God Bless
    | Posted on 2008-06-30 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]

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