hmmm... can't say i have ever read anything quite like this one before. i'm not usually much of a fan of "butterfly", "love" poetry but this, well this is a whole nother take.
if i have anything negative to say i am thinking it would be the double spacing.
oh, and maybe the line "what i really need is the "pollen" of you love". if it were mine, i would probably drop the line altogether. or at least get rid of the quotations around pollen. if this is poetry then they are not needed.
also, while i'm at it, maybe lose the (myself) in line 9. i just don't think you need to explain yourself so much.
leaves more to the mind of the reader and less to the eye.
all in all i think this is great and a sweet idea.
mmmmm...peanut butter.
good stuff.
interesting. i like it. the double spacing works well, in that it makes the rhythm slower, just like time slowly passes by when ur in a jar with not much to do, but think of a poem i guess? =p
i also really like the comparisons, especially to the significant other as a "huntress"; it really shows the extent of the cruelty of someone who doesnt really lve you back, but strings you along.
Submission Name: Jar
