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    dots Submission Name: Spontaneous Souldots

    Author: BlazeFlamme
    ASL Info:    22/m/TX
    Elite Ratio:    1.81 - 23/160/138
    Words: 206
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 492
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1316


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSpontaneous Souldots

    What do you do?
    When the love of your life
    Doesn't love you?

    You spent all your time and every day
    As far back as you can remember
    Cherishing her in every single way
    But now you can't protect her

    What do you say?
    When your most beloved
    Decides to run away?

    You spend all of your hopes and wishes all of the time
    As far back as each memory stretches
    You gave it your all but failed to avoid this bind
    But you somehow survive the wreckage

    How do you act?
    When your dearest one
    Never comes back?

    You wasted your hopes now you try and move on
    As far back as you can realize
    The memories are left but this time she's gone
    And so you wear a pleasant disguise

    When will you know?
    Which one you should invest
    All your worries for?

    You still have familiar thoughts and seek out familiar goals
    No one will compare to her now
    You know you belong with what your life once bestowed
    Replacing is harder than it sounds

    Your mind is corrupt
    Your heart has been tainted
    You're damaged goods now that
    That you had your future painted

    Submitted on 2008-07-01 00:51:15     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      oh man that ending was a killer!!!
    some friendly suggestions....

    i see why you repeated the "as far back" in those two stanzas, but the repetition seems to break up the piece....

    No one will compare to her now
    You know you belong with what your life once bestowed

    i absolutely love those two lines!
    i read another work of yours the other night, and it killed me because a lot of what you said was once said to me by someone...
    this one is the same with those two lines...that's almost exactly what he said to me.

    and as for the ending, like i said before it was a killer. a great way to end the piece....but....you repeated the word that in the last two lines. at the end of one and the beginning of the other...

    | Posted on 2008-07-01 00:00:00 | by was_i_ever_real | [ Reply to This ]

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