[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Spontaneous Souldots

    Author: BlazeFlamme
    ASL Info:    22/m/TX
    Elite Ratio:    1.8 - 23/161/138
    Words: 206
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 519
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1316


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSpontaneous Souldots

    What do you do?
    When the love of your life
    Doesn't love you?

    You spent all your time and every day
    As far back as you can remember
    Cherishing her in every single way
    But now you can't protect her

    What do you say?
    When your most beloved
    Decides to run away?

    You spend all of your hopes and wishes all of the time
    As far back as each memory stretches
    You gave it your all but failed to avoid this bind
    But you somehow survive the wreckage

    How do you act?
    When your dearest one
    Never comes back?

    You wasted your hopes now you try and move on
    As far back as you can realize
    The memories are left but this time she's gone
    And so you wear a pleasant disguise

    When will you know?
    Which one you should invest
    All your worries for?

    You still have familiar thoughts and seek out familiar goals
    No one will compare to her now
    You know you belong with what your life once bestowed
    Replacing is harder than it sounds

    Your mind is corrupt
    Your heart has been tainted
    You're damaged goods now that
    That you had your future painted

    Submitted on 2008-07-01 00:51:15     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      oh man that ending was a killer!!!
    some friendly suggestions....

    i see why you repeated the "as far back" in those two stanzas, but the repetition seems to break up the piece....

    No one will compare to her now
    You know you belong with what your life once bestowed

    i absolutely love those two lines!
    i read another work of yours the other night, and it killed me because a lot of what you said was once said to me by someone...
    this one is the same with those two lines...that's almost exactly what he said to me.

    and as for the ending, like i said before it was a killer. a great way to end the piece....but....you repeated the word that in the last two lines. at the end of one and the beginning of the other...

    | Posted on 2008-07-01 00:00:00 | by was_i_ever_real | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Bam written by Daniel Barlow
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Instances written by hyproglo
    Chasing The Lie written by jackz
    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    The Search written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Dirge of Nostalgia written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Everyone written by poetotoe
    ... written by Daniel Barlow
    Aftermath and Waltz written by HisNameIsNoMore
    ME written by jjd
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    Bam written by Daniel Barlow
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    To the Epilogue written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Can't let my demons go written by faideddarkness
    On Loop written by Daniel Barlow
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    Skulls Beyond the Palisade written by HisNameIsNoMore
    On Top of a Water Wheel written by Wolfwatching
    The First Time written by Wolfwatching
    This written by Chelebel
    less is more written by Daniel Barlow
    Broken Promises written by S.A.M.
    Commencement written by Ramneet
    Bre-anna written by Daniel Barlow
    Love and Solitaire written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Limbo written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Legends written by poetotoe




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]