Typhus c. by ruejacobs 7/1/08 3:10 AM by ruejacobs

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Submission Name: Typhus c. by ruejacobs 7/1/08 3:10 AM dots

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Author:	ruejacobs
ASL Info:	37/feminazi/Gehenna
Elite Ratio:	4.91 - 566/440/154
Words:	132

Class/Type:	Poetry/
Total Views:	307
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	846

Description:
this poem is about communication.

Typhus c. by ruejacobs 7/1/08 3:10 AM dots

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Cover my ears and
There’s a water god within me
A tidal pull, undertow
Sweeping me past the mortal shore
I am drowning but not afraid
Tangled in the sea weed
And I am beneath the surface
That inverted dome of sunlit air
I don’t miss it either, love, I don’t

I only regret the puffs of air
You called communication
Here those bubbles rise and rise
And are not given any heed
They distract lesser beings
Shimmer like jellyfish
And float away
See, now those words are gone.

The muscles tighten and my teeth grind
I lock my jaw against the air
Sift water through my gills
Do not believe in sirens, love
Just come with me
Come with me
I’ll take you where I’m going

Submitted on 2008-07-01 02:22:15 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
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||| Comments |||
  i enjoyed reading this. interesting and different type of love poem. ihave a thing for mermaids anyway, so i'm already biased, but you did an excellent job here.
| Posted on 2008-07-23 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]
  wah wah wahwah wah wah...

I love the imagery of hearing through the water. Where even the harshest yells is muffled to insignificant.
I have this image of a guy on a boat pleading his case, where pleas turn to rants punctuated with gestures and loud voice. And the woman, tired of hearing the same worn excuses just diving into the ocean, to that muffled world.
And if she could tempt him to dive in a drown, she would.

I have to say I like the end. The sirens song is hypnotic and gives a great end with the come with me temptation. Of course with sirens, it never turns out well for the man....lol

| Posted on 2008-07-23 00:00:00 | by jaycee | [ Reply to This ]
  you are not as green as you are grass coloured.

the greeks knew a thing or two about laziness (esp post-lunch torpor) and i like how the word describes the smoky haziness of those affected by typhus - or any other form of (self-induced) torpor.

communication: i have been uncommunicative of late myself and it is a hard habit to break - there must be a will and inevitably some other form of external stimulus. i am now with voice again and it feels well enough.

as always i love your language. it is medieval and romany and that of the shamen all rolled into one. this is a heady mix for those that choose to read you properly.

i especially enjoyed seeing this world from beneath the waves, where oddly enough sound travels so much more freely. maybe we should all do our talking on bath night?

i suppose for the sake of breaks and appearance i would have put i before cover; and would have put and on the second line in front of there's oh, here:

I Cover my ears
and there’s a water god within me
A tidal pull,
undertow sweeping me past the mortal shore
I am drowning but not afraid
Tangled in the seaweed
And I am beneath the surface,
That inverted dome of sunlit air.
I don’t miss it either, love, I don’t

I only regret the puffs of air
You called communication
Here those bubbles rise and rise
And are not given any heed;
They distract lesser beings,
Shimmering like jellyfish
And they float away.
See, now those words are gone.

The muscles tighten and my teeth grind;
I lock my jaw against the air;
Sifting water through my gills.
Do not believe in sirens, love
Just come with me
Come with me
And I’ll take you where I’m going

Have a good day you hippy.

k
| Posted on 2008-07-06 00:00:00 | by Awkward | [ Reply to This ]
  One can feel like they're under water if they block their ears, and by so doing, no longer have to listen to the "bubble" - talk. This poem brings forth images of a closed communication, where only one is making any sense. The siren calls. Don't follow. "Just come with me."

I liked the whole under water thing. It leaves the danger of drowning very close to the surface. It's as if this is an ultimatum, gently presented.

I have only one small thing for you to consider: Perhaps not repeat the word "Just," but rather leave it as a singularity, and repeat only "Come with me."

Enjoyed this one very much. Well crafted.

Phil
| Posted on 2008-07-01 00:00:00 | by phil askew | [ Reply to This ]

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