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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: III. Submissive Paranoiadots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Crestfallenman
    ASL Info:    21/M/CA
    Elite Ratio:    4.7 - 593/819/331
    Words: 65
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 70
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 463



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsIII. Submissive Paranoiadots
    -------------------------------------------


    Life seems dizzy,
    Visions distorting,
    Boundaries incomplete,
    Life is just passing you by,
    Train blazes stampede,
    Danger lives in you,
    Sober, sober, sober,
    Why can you not stay sober,
    Why can you not value,
    Treasures inside the future,
    The lament of the past,
    The death that will come to you,

    Blinds you from what you can be,
    And disables you to comprehend to this.




    Submitted on 2008-07-01 11:49:12     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
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    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      The answer is simple: because the focus is too much put on self.
    Once the focus is put on The Lord, then gradually things change for the better.
    Change the focus.

    Other than that, you use simple words and give them great meaning-

    "Life seems dizzy,
    Visions distorting,
    Boundaries incomplete,"

    You write well.

    I also like the way you address yourself in this piece, shows the conflict very vividly.

    Good write but change the focus.
    It has been helping me a lot.

    Much love,
    Joel

    | Posted on 2008-08-26 00:00:00 | by nevender | [ Reply to This ]
      This write I really like
    I found this write to directly reflect on my own life
    It is true that when one becomes sober their life does begin anew
    Its like all the negatives that were in the past are washed away and life does truly begin anew
    Great Work!!!
    Please if you get a chance Please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think
    Thank You
    God Bless
    Ron
    | Posted on 2008-07-01 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]


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