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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Mommy Hates Medots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: daughterofdeath
    ASL Info:    18/F/West Virginia
    Elite Ratio:    4.88 - 253/248/195
    Words: 230
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Being a Teen
    Total Views: 95
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1390



    Description:
       this is kinda like the movie "Mommy Dearest", but yeah, i was just being creative.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMommy Hates Medots
    -------------------------------------------


    Can you tell me what did I do
    Mommy dearest what did I do to you.
    All your yelling and your screaming
    I swear I didn't do anything.
    Inside my room behind a lock door
    I won't let you hurt me anymore.

    Until the day
    when I just run away.
    I will stay here
    But I will never go near,
    My mommy cause
    Mommy hates me.

    And you may think that I'm trying
    To blame you for everything.
    But then I think about you
    And yes that's what I'm trying to do.
    You say I think only of me
    But that all I can do to make you see
    Who I want to be.

    Until the day
    when I just run away.
    I will stay here
    But I will never go near,
    My mommy cause
    Mommy hates me.

    Mommy hates me.
    And mommy can't stand who it is
    That I want to be.
    So she spends her life hurting me
    Trying to change me.
    But she can't see I'm happy with
    The way I am.
    As long as I'm unhappy she doesn't
    Give a damn.

    Until the day
    when I just run away.
    I will stay here
    But I will never go near,
    My mommy cause
    Mommy hates me.
    Mommy hates me.








    Submitted on 2008-07-01 18:58:51     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Construction is good. The idea is reiterated and becomes very strong throughout the poem- "mommy hates me"

    Could I share a secret with you...the fountain of youth for poets? It is simple- " Show! Don't tell!"

    Stop reporting, start showing. How does she mistreat you, how does she hate you..show those things.

    A good poem is able to show, like a picture does. Not to tell, like a news articles does.

    Hope it helps.
    You are a poetic wanderer...I admire you can pick a poem from what you have seen and not neccessarily your own experience.

    Good traits.

    God bless,
    Joel
    | Posted on 2008-08-26 00:00:00 | by nevender | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



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