Percentages by joeyalphabet

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Submission Name: Percentages dots

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Author:	joeyalphabet
ASL Info:	46/50-50 shot/somewhere..
Elite Ratio:	3.79 - 2139/2124/402
Words:	67

Class/Type:	Poetry/Serious
Total Views:	81
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	515

Description:

Percentages dots

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It’s not like rocket science,
Where acceleration equals mass times velocity;

More like anxiety times lethargy equals
Impotence

The formula varies with each set of inputs;
But the results are a constant

Mathematically speaking, the probability
Is one hundred percent you’ll die

But significantly less you wake one
Morning and think to yourself

I’m happy

Submitted on 2008-07-03 08:08:10 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  I love this one!! Concise, potent, and a bit funny too... OK, I'm a little warped too :)
| Posted on 2008-08-01 00:00:00 | by Shaqua1973 | [ Reply to This ]
  yes, all very true, and wittily put. depression is a state of mind; so is happiness, i think. but the second one is fleeting, that's the problem, i find.

i can definitely relate.

oh, and one thought: keep the comma after "mathematically-speaking" and get rid of the other punctuation; it isn't needed, especially with the capitalised line-starts you have (just an opinion).
| Posted on 2008-07-27 00:00:00 | by discombobulated | [ Reply to This ]
  I'm really torn on this piece. The ending is stellar. The stanza before "Im happy" has something wrong grammatically because it causes you to stumble on it. I like the equation about impotence. The first stanza was a little weak, but overall this piece was strong. The idea of this work, is much stronger than the actual words, but that is fine. You have made a piece with a good point and for that I commend you with the highest regard.
| Posted on 2008-07-03 00:00:00 | by jayisademon | [ Reply to This ]

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