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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Drowningdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Roselize
    Elite Ratio:    2.92 - 21/26/19
    Words: 112
    Class/Type: Poetry/Death
    Total Views: 64
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 702



    Description:
       I know the meter is totally off in this poem. Sorry...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDrowningdots
    -------------------------------------------


    My feet are kicking the water,
    Which seems so murky and black,
    Fighting a fight for survival,
    Trying without hope to go back,

    Will anyone miss me,
    When I've passed away,
    Will anyone fall,
    On the floor in dismay,

    Shall I scream, shall I faint,
    Shall I shout, shall I cry,
    How shall I behave,
    When I know I will die,

    I long to escape,
    I long to be free,
    But the murky, black waves,
    Will be the last sight for me,

    For how to escape from this prison?
    Untie the knots of fate?
    But before I could think of an answer,
    Alas, it was to late




    Submitted on 2008-07-03 08:22:32     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i think everyone feels like this at least one tiem in their life i think you done a really good job at bringing it all out to where we can achually visualize ourselfs dieing
    | Posted on 2008-07-05 00:00:00 | by darkonesgirl | [ Reply to This ]
      While the meter is not perfect the poem moves along remarkably well and is quite lyrical, indeed! (If you try to keed the same number of syllables in each line throughout the poem you will see how your meter will tighten up.) This is a fine, fine poem! bravo... bravo... bravo... michael
    | Posted on 2008-07-03 00:00:00 | by Algol46 | [ Reply to This ]



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