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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Ember Smokedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Passionbyapathy
    ASL Info:    17/M/Groveport OH
    Elite Ratio:    7.14 - 167/139/81
    Words: 246
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 97
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 1625



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsEmber Smokedots
    -------------------------------------------



    Heated wisps of words: affection
    On the wings of smoke angels.
    Harsh, but of no relevance.
    Those of any fate only come along
    Every other once in awhile.
    You knew when you breathed her air
    That you never could forget her.
    Somber in the most reckless of ways,
    Dying to reach out and take a stab at it.
    Joyful parodies of careless calamities.
    Then you’ll see, that when it comes to me
    Baby, all eyes are on you.
    I breathed you back into my world
    Every other broken breath that I took:
    Willow-wisps of pure clarity.
    All those drugs, and all along, who knew
    That in the end, it’d be you I was addicted to.
    It’s a somewhat fickle Irony
    That after all those pristine memories
    We were never really meant to be.
    Still you never could forget her.

    I followed trails left in the sky,
    A floating mural of hard times.
    We could watch the earth spin round
    From beyond its gravity.
    The stars could take us,
    And make us into masterpieces.
    And the wind will blow
    Scattered fragments of fantasy
    Across the purple opium sky.
    Acidic rain, its lick and stick.

    Let that uncertainty in all its glory,
    Put a soft glove over pessimisms mouth.
    Just once, just this once
    Lets let hope take its rightful place
    On this throne of sanity.
    But faith is just a temporary remedy,
    For problems with insatiable recipes,
    And false cures for personal disillusionment.




    Submitted on 2008-07-03 12:48:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      I think you may have found your niche. I love the changes of tense. It keeps the reader on their toes and in that state of loss that I felt in this poem. Beautiful piece.

    Thank you
    | Posted on 2008-07-30 00:00:00 | by _proper_noun_ | [ Reply to This ]
      Jesus honey,


    damn..... i tis like extremely impressed, i love how you wrote this, i mean the words and meaning, its like watching a 3D movie. its all there. i love how you used addiction to something you may become dependent on to a human, which then states the intensity that you truly feel for the person.

    out of all this there was only one line i didn't really get,

    "Acidic rain, its lick and stick."

    it seem that with everything you wrote this didn't go with it. or maybe it did? i don't know can you explain how that works within your poem?

    it's kinda hard to explain exactly what this made me feel thought the subtle clues you left for us in the poem as to what this was about is placed nicely.

    damn this feels like a sucky ass comment, I'm use to seeing them like half a page long o.o

    anyway what made you think up this poem? like what was your inspiration?

    all the love,
    Nikki

    (sorry again for the suckie ass poem, seriously I'm sleep deprived on many levels -_-)
    | Posted on 2008-07-03 00:00:00 | by nikita2u | [ Reply to This ]


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