until further notice by Someones Epiphany

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Submission Name: until further notice dots

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Author:	Someones Epiphany
Elite Ratio:	8 - 4198/1955/140
Words:	109

Class/Type:	Poetry/Misc
Total Views:	249
Average Vote:	5.0000
Bytes:	872

Description:
i dont think this says anything i want it to say...

until further notice dots

-------------------------------------------

i'd sing to you without any liquor in me…

sometimes

desperation comes
in moments
too big
to deny,
embrace,
observe

please

do not put me
on top of the world
and accidently leave
me

there

to worry
about this
pedestal
others have put me on

for now

I am misheard lyrics
To a [slightly off
frequency]
self-titled song

ssshhhhhhh

no more
than a whisper
until further

notice

…and just cuz you're not here to hear it, it doesn't mean that i don't already.

Submitted on 2008-07-05 00:27:04 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  Hmm.....well. you'll have to forgive my blatent other peoples comments idea stealing but i will start with doing so. (hey give me a break, i'm a little rusty)

I agree with alia's comment on the ending, though you've always been excellent with poems in poems. or like idk sub-poems. sometimes i think it's easy for alot of avid poetry readers to um...read too much into your poems. well it is for me. you can kind of see the un certianty of the piece.

wow i am rusty. sorry for the rust.

let's see here.

i like the first line most.

I'd sing to you sober seems like such a sweet sentiment. the hole pedestal pain...i'd have to admit i've been the type to do that. well...in a sort...i do have a tendeancy to fall into those sweet words.

the whole frequency bit in the brackets, i get vaguely. every stanza seems to have it's own clear stand alone meaning. honestly i don't see the same interpretation of it as Bill. but i have been away from your work for long times and my interpretation skills are in need of tuning, so i won't even go with that other train. might make you misheard lyrics.

still a good read, as always. and hey you are a natural. misinterpritation is natural. i mean it's always gonna happen. maybe look at why this person wants you on a pedestal? maybe it might not be so bad?

hmm......i can't form many typable thoughts. but your worth as a poet is undeniable.

| Posted on 2008-09-10 00:00:00 | by Skillessbasterd | [ Reply to This ]

"I'd sing to you without any liquor in me…" - First off; before anything, this should be my banner waved high!!!

Righteous.

Don't put me upon a pedestal and leave me there, alone... These off-frequency compliment/insults grate at my core...

Fu<k it- give me another drink... I'm starting to make sense again...

I can say what I will and you'll accept it because... Well, I said it, damn it!

I love this- It's so... me.

Hmmm...

| Posted on 2008-08-20 00:00:00 | by Ceyx | [ Reply to This ]
  I indeed agree with Bill, you are a natural. There's a wonderful flow to this, and I'm not just saying that because I've been browsing the "Recent Post" section. The last line - first line thing is a perfect way to contain the two ideas in this piece within each other. I'm no english major, so maybe it's a bad thing that I got this poem so well. You're not being near convoluted enough.

Wishing for more
~Brian
| Posted on 2008-08-14 00:00:00 | by Imadjinn | [ Reply to This ]
  I thought that by the title it meant you were gonna go away or were punishing someone (like my mom used to say "until further notice: no games/books/food w/ever) I like it, i like the ending alot, really good, (anyway did i ever respond to the comment you left on my front page? if not I'm doing good how are you? haha)Vynom
| Posted on 2008-07-25 00:00:00 | by PryncessVynom | [ Reply to This ]
  Hi there JD. Long time no see. Trust that you are well. I thought I’ll give you some time out. Will not forget you though. How did the house sharing go with your relatives and their pets?
Here we are still dodging winter somewhat and maybe we will come through unscathed by icy fingers and breathe. Your poem is a bit on the vague side for me this time. I gather that you want to be a bit on your own and be admired from a distance. God is watching from a distance as the lyric in the song goes. No harm in that JD. We need some clear sounding silence now and again. Good peom well meant.
Trust you are well. Luv Joachim.

| Posted on 2008-07-20 00:00:00 | by Joachim | [ Reply to This ]
  ok first off: yay! postage. second off------- mrrrrrrrk.

ok, so it's great, but even though I can't really ever really know, y'know, what you were trying to get across, especially if you don't know yourself, i think your introduction is probably right.
so i'm gonna critique a bit, as no one's done anything but point out the great moments. don't worry, it won't take long and then i'll get on to praise and omfg how beautiful it is and how your brand of poetry is so far from bull[censored] and how speaking to an unknown audience, ( to like, humanity itself!) is often more honest. like songs and movies and tv shows and and and.....

so.

"others have put me on" is awkward. awkward!

and "I don't already" I don't already what????!?!!!!???!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!!

confuzzling.

but the rest of it... i don't know what you're trying to get through, bt aside from the pedestal effect- not wanting to live up to other's expectatins, to be youself, if flawed, comes across loud and clear. but that's just part of this poem, which to me, seems to be more about communication. or miscommunication and a desire to fix it. which plays into the pedestal things but is more than that. being the lyrics to a misheard song ob a fuzzy radio station, and this being why people put you on a pedestalm cause they think you're something... i'm reminded of what emily haines said when someone told her she was their idol.... she said, " don't look too close." the into and outro seem to contradict the rest of it.... i'd sing to you/without liquor/without you even here vs the fear of being misunderstood, so you'll shhhhh be quiet until further notice. i almost think it'd work better without the end, or change it, or something, but yeah. good to hear you speaking to strangers again.
| Posted on 2008-07-11 00:00:00 | by lukewarm | [ Reply to This ]
  I'm so lucky to have read this now. I can relate so much that it hurts - but not in an aquarium to the knees kind of hurt... more like a stitching-me-without-anesthesia-so-that-I'd-learn kind of hurt.

Thank you so much, Jaydee. You heal me better than the people around me ever could.

'Tis why we married yes.
| Posted on 2008-07-09 00:00:00 | by ANGELO | [ Reply to This ]
  ...i think that if you maintain that you will be someone's epiphany then you probably will be but like some sort of poodle in a tutu, you may have a few burning hoops to jump through first. but you'll get the bottom-of-the-pocket fluff-covered chocolate drop in the end...

it is a long way down when you have been placed somewhere high and i think that you articulate this singularly human trait very well in that sparse way that you have when you have something important to say.

and even when your heart is breaking, it is hard not to worry about what the neighbours might think of the tear in the lounge net curtain.

keeping up appearances burns up more than calories...

take it easy sweaty,

k
| Posted on 2008-07-06 00:00:00 | by Awkward | [ Reply to This ]
  And just because my mind wanders in and out of focus doesn't mean I've no idea what I mean...I mean, really...

The title suggests you're about to go on hiatus, but the post itself hints that there's a certain burden associated with fame/noteriety that traps the creative free spirit in a maze of expecations manufactured by an audience devoted entirely to its listening pleasure. Of course, there are also hints of relationship/adoration/hero worship with a minty twist of sadness.

Forgive me my inane babble, ma'am.
You are a natural.
Bill
| Posted on 2008-07-06 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]

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