Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • ES Magazine
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • Video Tutorials
  • RolePlay
  • 90% off Amazon
  • Funny Pics
    • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
    • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: In the darknessdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Raye
    ASL Info:    20/female/Okc,Ok
    Elite Ratio:    3.32 - 47/74/26
    Words: 79
    Class/Type: Prose/Misc
    Total Views: 46
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 510



    Description:
       So I am having some trouble with a few things. And I was inspired to write.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsIn the darknessdots
    -------------------------------------------


    In the darkness you will find me,
    Sitting where you left.

    Discarded and alone.
    Rejected and mislead.

    In the darkness you will find me,
    Sitting where you left me.

    Wondering what happened,
    Where I went wrong.

    Why is it that I told you ,
    Why is it that you answered in one word.

    Why is it all about that.

    In the darkness you will find me,
    Sitting where you left me.





    Submitted on 2008-07-05 00:37:46     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I like this cause I can relate. perhaps a little more elaboration would be in order. Not talking about reviling details as the other comment indicates. I mean going deeper into the darkness to find what hidden truths and pains you may yet uncover.

    This work though is very well done and to me feels finished. The only critique I have is that in such a short poem you repeated "In the darkness you will find me, Sitting where you left me" three times. Other than than that I think I love it. And always remember to take all comments with a grain of salt. You must do what you feel in your own art. Beauty is found in a different place for every one, so you will never please them all.
    | Posted on 2008-07-06 00:00:00 | by nicodemous | [ Reply to This ]
      This was written well. It flowed well and the rhymth was kept, but it didn't have much imagery or description. I sensed confusion and (of course) darkness. But I sensed not why. There was no story behind it. What was the question? The answer? Why were you left alone? Who left you alone? All this could've been answered had you made this poem a little more descriptive. Please do not take my suggestions with temper. I'm merely trying to help you. In it's self it was written very well, it just needs a little more history.
    I am terribly sorry if I upset you with this comment
    Keep up the nice work, and I'll keep reading

    »Haely«
    | Posted on 2008-07-05 00:00:00 | by MinervaBlu | [ Reply to This ]



    Full Anime Episodes Streaming Free
    5 million youtube videos all rated over 4.7 stars with 40+ ratings

    [ Copy this | Start New | Full Size ]

    Google
     

    [ Chrispian ] [ Write Forum ]
    [ Friends ] [ SNESroms ] .
    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry
    This user has been inactive for more than 5 days.