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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Hidden Lovedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: darkavenger42
    Elite Ratio:    0.52 - 0/1/1
    Words: 142
    Class/Type: Story/The pain inside
    Total Views: 49
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 884



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHidden Lovedots
    -------------------------------------------


    I walk through the hallway to my locker at school. I stop at my locker and open it. Then someone closes it. It's him, Matt. I blush, "Matt, how are you?" Matt smiles gently and says, "I'im fine, but the question is, how are you?" I sigh, I can't tell him about Luis. I love Luis, and I also love Matt. Matt's really cares about me, and he really loves me. So I don't want to break his heart. "I'm fine, really," I reply, smiling. Matt narrows his eyes, "Oh really? Alright, you know you can tell me if something's bothering you." I smile, blushing, "It's alright, im fine. I'd better get to class now." Matt nods, saying, "Alright, see you later." Matt turns around and walks away, I watch him go sadly. I whisper to my self, "Everything's wrong Matt, everything."




    Submitted on 2008-07-06 11:44:02     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I made this a LONG WHILE ago, so it's really crap right now.
    | Posted on 2008-11-30 00:00:00 | by darkavenger42 | [ Reply to This ]
      How angsty...

    You could be a little more creative,your forcing the message you want to convey,

    basically you could cut this down to:

    The man-eater opened her locker,she wondered which guy to date,one of them came up,he asked if everything was allright,she blew him of,what a [censored]

    The rest was kind of filler (ish)

    Dont mean to be harsh,but theres not much else to say,with a bit more thought on how to convey the charicters feelings it could be okay I guess

    -Craig
    | Posted on 2008-11-30 00:00:00 | by Raphael | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



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