This site will self destruct in 2 months, March 17.
It will come back, and be familiar and at the same time completely different.
All content will be deleted. Backup anything important.
--- Staff
Roleplay Cloud -

Sign up to EliteSkills

Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

Square Backed Soul

Author: Oli
ASL Info:    23/F
Elite Ratio:    4.31 - 206 /211 /53
Words: 178
Class/Type: Poetry /Religious
Total Views: 783
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1191


This was inspired by a band i saw at a coffee house.
Let me know what you think.

Square Backed Soul

Hey there Square Backed Soul

what are you thinking?

are you thinking this is bogus?

'cuz I see it in the way

you sway from side to side

you're nervous and unsure

about the things they say

but let me tell you

there is nothing wrong in doubting

the things in your life

there is truth in the words they sing

your sharp corners

bump against new ideas

determined to shape you

a new state of mind

but you sharpen yourself

with excuses of hypocracy

of leagalism

and fear of rules

the definition of freedom

according to the world

rests heavy on your mind

please listen to the real meaning

behind the things spoken

let the rhythm of the music

guide you on your way

his arms are open

waiting for you to hear

the secret message whispering

I love you

Submitted on 2008-07-06 20:18:01     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  Typo: "leagalism"

I really enjoyed this, especially the rhythm & like it's just being said how it is. It'd be great read aloud. It has a message that everyone will be able to take something from & I like that it's strong, standing up for itself. I don't think there's much more I can say beyond that. It's an effective & direct read that was a pleasure to encounter.
| Posted on 2011-02-09 00:00:00 | by Santi | [ Reply to This ]
  Mmmm....I like it. I can't even put my finger on what I like best about it. It just reminds me of talking with friends about Christ, about what a difference He has made in my life. People see the difference in my life and are curious, but so many false beliefs and empty promises are made in our world today, that skepticism has become the society standard. But we are all frightened of not only falsehood, but also of the truth.

I love the way you paint the picture of the struggling person. I can picture them, the internal battle portrayed by their "nervous swaying." I'm not sure if square-backed soul is the name of the group, or just the title you chose, but I think it perfectly describes the one who struggles with the message. We want things in a box, a nice square that doesn't allow for such ideas as unconditional love and undeserving grace and mercy. It depicts the attitude that keeps the soul from accepting that love, the pride that declares we need help from no one, not even God, that we are good enough on our own. But underneath the square shell we know we are not good enough on our own, and so the battle rages.

Maybe I've totally read into this. But the message of it grabbed me...I'll be honest: I'm a flaming, unabashedly sold-out Christian. And your square-backed soul is the description of those I most desire to reach with His love. Well done my friend. I'd enjoy discussing this with you further.

| Posted on 2008-07-07 00:00:00 | by Jengrr | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?