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    dots Submission Name: Herdots

    Author: vedanta19
    Elite Ratio:    3.28 - 503/510/143
    Words: 172
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 987
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1349


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    Her -
    the titled verse
    sometimes meaningless, sometimes pierced
    right through a heart;

    Her -
    a small town girl,
    trusting all -
    you, me and the devils in us,
    such naivity, such purity -
    so rare heart;

    Her -
    keeping to herself, on a impossible goal
    walking, almost stumbling -
    a cursed path
    trying to reach somewhere, making own bloods -
    such a fruitless attempt -

    Her -
    suppressed dreams, confused mind
    walking right?
    walking sly?
    such dilemma
    such going under in a tunnel -
    nightmares on early morn
    restless, wine-drown midnights;

    Her -
    searching, finding, disappointing
    pillow to rest tears -
    odd jobs on soul-less saturdays
    underpaid, a compromise;

    silence - a deathbed
    inviting, cosy
    to rest
    undream - just sleep
    do you know that feeling?

    where she rests -
    undreaming, such silence,
    unloved, misunderstood
    caged bird in unfree shops
    selling cheap, making trade
    look smart;

    do you know

    Submitted on 2008-07-07 22:18:44     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      this has a real odd beat to it...

    not easy to read...but then i don't think it is supposed to be because of the content..

    i see a woman trapped in a relationship with a man who isn't going anywhere...can't really provide for her...not just moneywise but emotionally as well..
    she stays because she feels the obligation to, but she is unhappy, feeling caged...

    "i know why the cage bird sings"
    maya angelou

    this reminds me a bit of her...

    not sure i am comfortable with all the wording..might be smoothed out just a little..there is mismatching of tenses..and other grammatical mismatches..but maybe just a little touch up..not too much..cause this has also a good awkwardness to it..for what it expresses...

    at least for me and what i saw

    | Posted on 2011-06-03 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]

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