Rockets' Red Glare by joeyalphabet

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Submission Name: Rockets' Red Glare dots

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Author:	joeyalphabet
ASL Info:	46/50-50 shot/somewhere..
Elite Ratio:	3.79 - 2139/2122/400
Words:	70

Class/Type:	Poetry/Angry
Total Views:	82
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	548

Description:

Rockets' Red Glare dots

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Rockets shatter the darkness
into specks of night on fire,
falling from a disfigured canvas
into the whirlpool.

Blood’s red glare pounds
in violent, starry bursts
in eardrums accustomed to
only rhythmic, New World beats.

Black embers invade
grey doorsteps, abandoned
trails of ash to be washed
away with the next rain.

An imperial smile disappears
into Wonderland’s eve,
committed to, enamored of,
white rabbit ghosts.

Submitted on 2008-07-07 22:53:20 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  I read this as anti-war all the way.
Rockets, blood, embers, all depict a nightime bombing or rocket attack.
Imperial smile, Wonderland, white rabbit ghosts, depict the nonsensical/political aspects of war.
Our National Anthem was written on such a night. We celebrate our independence with simulated weaponry (fireworks). Are we mad? Why do we glorify the horror of warfare? Can we not be prepared to defend ourselves without relishing the destruction and death?

No wonder you are angry.

Maybe "white rabbit ghosts" would be better as "mad hatter parties?"

Phil
| Posted on 2008-09-12 00:00:00 | by phil askew | [ Reply to This ]
  I may be off, but considering the current worldwide situation, and the title's place in the United State's national anthem, this poem is a strike at war and war hawks? That's premise I'm going off of, so if I'm way off, this review will be embarassing.

I agree with Shaqua1973 on the word reduction. So I won't mention what he already did.

I'm going to tell you what I think of when I read this.

S1:
I get the idea of fireworks being launched in celebration of a country that the author feels is going downhill, or is destroying what it set itself up as in the beginning.

The "disfigured canvas" to me is the countries flag falling from its glory into a miserable, raging whirlpool.

S2:
Here I again get the image of fireworks (from the second line). The blood in the first line seems to connect to the second, which leads me to think these fireworks are in celebration of the spilling of blood.

The third and fourth lines suggests that this is something new to the ears of the speaker who has for as long as it's been around only heard the cheers of life and freedom. These new sounds thus are unwelcome, unpleasant, and what drives the anger of this piece.

S3:
This stanza creates the aftermath of a fireworks show. All the debris and ash from it left around on the grounds. Nature and time will eventually wash it all away.

This could relate to war and the destruction of ideals/liberties. Suggesting that those who set off the fireworks have little desire/inclination to clean up their mess and are simply waiting for something or someone else to do it for them.

S4:
This one I had more difficulty with. The first line "imperial smile" is very obvious and I wonder if you couldn't make the same statement with different words.

The second line loses me completely. I think "Wonderland", and all I can think of is "the world Alice entered". Which I know is the intent, based on the final line, but it doesn't evoke any imagery from me. Unless, because Wonderland was so loopy and ridiculous, the line is meant to imply that the world left after the imperial smile is loopy and ridiculous. In which case the second line didn't lose me at all.

The final two lines are more difficult for me than the previous two. I will attempt to think them out. The white rabbit was always running late. The white rabbit is why Alice ended up in Wonderland to begin with (because she was chasing it). One could then say that perhaps the white rabbit is symbolic of ideologies (or something) that were being chased by the imperial smile. Though, over time those reasons were found to be false, weak, worthless, dead (the ghost part) and so the piece ends on a frown.

Or, the white rabbit ghosts are the dead liberties and ideals of the past. Those things which the country/people referred to once loved, but have lost to that imperial smile.

Overall
The piece wasn't very strong, but the imagery (as I saw and understood it) was well done, and so the piece wasn't weak. If I understood it correctly, then the piece conveys your anger, frustration and point well. I don't think it's something I would remember, but this may stem just from the fact that I don't remember much of anything I read.

The third stanza had the most meaning to me, and expressed an image I could completely see and understand, even if what you intended was not what I understood or saw.

The last stanza is either the best in that it contains the most meaning with about the same number of words as the previous three, or the worst in that it is the most difficult to figure out. I enjoyed trying to figure it out, so I like it well enough for making me think more.
| Posted on 2008-08-21 00:00:00 | by Sir Jimeth | [ Reply to This ]
  Oh yeah... and I reallllly dig that "abandoned
trails of ash" bit :)
| Posted on 2008-08-01 00:00:00 | by Shaqua1973 | [ Reply to This ]
  You could stand to lose a few words I think... I'll try and show what I mean by that...

"Rockets shatter darkness
into specks of falling night fire,
from a disfigured canvas
into the (could use word here) whirlpool.

Blood’s red glare pounds
violent, starry bursts
in eardrums accustomed to
only rhythmic, New World beats"

I wanted to show these possible revisions because the last two stanzas of this poem seem more flowing, less encumbered by conjunctions, almost like sentences.

"Less is more" right :)
| Posted on 2008-08-01 00:00:00 | by Shaqua1973 | [ Reply to This ]
  A fit of anger leaves too many ashes in its aftermath for me to want to go there. I'd definitely abandon that doorstep and hope for rain to wash it clean quickly. You've presented us with lots of metaphors, and I fear I've not absorbed every one of them although I suspect I did get the general drift. Very interesting piece, Joey! Sharon
| Posted on 2008-07-08 00:00:00 | by Peggy Paris | [ Reply to This ]

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