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    dots Submission Name: Lies under the carpetdots

    Author: Oli
    ASL Info:    23/F
    Elite Ratio:    4.31 - 206/211/53
    Words: 374
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 878
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1087


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLies under the carpetdots

    The images didn't reflect
    in your eyes
    Your face was completely innocent
    and so was your voice
    I never saw it coming
    I guess I forgot
    how much of a struggle it was
    it never left?
    how could I have been so naive
    and no matter what you say
    "It's not your fault"
    I can't help but see my short-comings
    That could have led
    you down that path again
    I'm so sorry if my neglect has caused this
    sometimes I lose my head
    but I guess the trust we once had
    is gone...not like the lies

    swept under the carpet
    I trusted you...was I wrong too?
    It baffles me
    how this could have gone on for so long

    It never even crossed my mind

    Submitted on 2008-07-09 18:49:11     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      heh, this one was a bit longer.
    as for the mirror aspect, it seems that way in a sense, but this piece gave me the feel of you speaking to a loved one through words, describing a situation that had arisen, and the problem resulting from 'your' negligence as you called it, but then coming to ask yourself was it you who was negligent towards this other person or was it merely the fact that you held so much trust in this person that you were blinded by having let your guard down.

    enjoyed this write, hope to hear more from you.

    | Posted on 2008-09-01 00:00:00 | by Loquacious Mind | [ Reply to This ]
      Its like you're having this conversation in front of a mirrior... and its not the first time.

    My only critique is that you define "it" more in this write. But then again, this doesn't seem like a poem that you'd spend much time editing.

    | Posted on 2008-08-25 00:00:00 | by UnspokenDreamer | [ Reply to This ]

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    January 10 07
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