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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Writing Restoreddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: UnderINK
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 114/53/25
    Words: 175
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 116
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1119



    Description:
       i apologize for my immaturity. I have restored your writing.~stellar


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWriting Restoreddots
    -------------------------------------------


    Monday, and though the sky is blue
    I took the train---
    I could have walked home
    In the pouring rain.
    But that’s what I do every day.

    Yesterday, when morning came
    It started out a lonely day,
    When you sat near me
    With nothing to say.
    But that’s how you are every day.

    Love today is just a game,
    But you can’t roll dice
    And have your way,
    People chase it then run away.
    But that’s how it is every day.

    On Wednesday, I fell asleep alone,
    Waiting hours by a silent phone.
    Didn’t think you’d call,
    And I should have known.
    That’s how this is every day.

    Very close to giving up on you,
    Waiting, waiting, for another sign.
    Not sure where to go,
    Or what I’ll find.
    But I wonder that every day.

    Every day I feel adrift, far away
    And find myself telling fate,
    When the week ends
    And still I wait,
    It will all be better by Sunday.

    That's what I tell myself every day.




    Submitted on 2008-07-09 19:23:11     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      I read this a few days ago... when you linked it. I knew then I wanted to comment, and wanted to fav.. but the two go together, and I was waiting for a point when I was collected enough to do it some justice. Now I feel pretty confident I can tell you how much I absolutely love this poem. It hits the nail on the lonely head... oh so perfectly... though your loneliness in this poem is a tad different than the one im dealing with. Either way... let the comment begin.

    "Monday, and though the sky is blue
    I took the train---
    I could have walked home
    In the pouring rain.
    But that’s what I do every day."

    I've read the poem over like 5 times, and this still remains my favorite stanza... the form, the rhyme, the message, its all perfect. The rest of the poem, all the other stanzas, are just trying to reach the balance exhibited so perfectly in this one. (really, not even joking about that). Its like some twisted optimism/pessimism contrast together.

    "Yesterday, when morning came
    It started out a lonely day,
    When you sat near me
    With nothing to say.
    But that’s how you are every day."

    This is such a hopeful stanza... it gets you hoping that maybe somehow, someway you wont have to be lonely anymore. at least not that day. And that feeling of closeness... not a word spoken, just togetherness... thats a tough thing to describe and I think you did a great job of it.

    "Love today is just a game,
    But you can’t roll dice
    And have your way,
    People chase it then run away.
    But that’s how it is every day."

    So true... so absolutely true in every way. Love today is people [censored] around with other peoples emotions, acting interested, and breaking your heart. Its all one big game to people, no one is really looking for love... they are looking for the excitement that comes from their game. Thats why so many people get antsy in good relationships... and break it off just to shake up the waters.

    "On Wednesday, I fell asleep alone,
    Waiting hours by a silent phone.
    Didn’t think you’d call,
    And I should have known.
    That’s how this is every day."

    You returned to the concept of it being a week... I like that, it helps in me picturing the passing of time. It helps the poem progress too... like days of the week. I've done the silent phone wait myself... hell ive fallen asleep with my cell on my chest, just in case... Not really expecting a call... but damn well hoping.

    "Very close to giving up on you,
    Waiting, waiting, for another sign.
    Not sure where to go,
    Or what I’ll find.
    But I wonder that every day."

    I felt this stanza didnt fit as well as the others did... and I'll explain why. Most of your previous stanzas were specifically vague... they were personal but adaptable. This one is so specific theres no kinship in it really. You are close to giving up on that stranger who helped to curb your loneliness, but I still don't know "why". You know? Is it because he never spoke up? Or because you never stopped being lonely?

    "Every day I feel adrift, far away
    And find myself telling fate,
    When the week ends
    And still I wait,
    It will all be better by Sunday.

    That's what I tell myself every day."

    We swing back around to the comfortable vagueness combined with just enough realism. You recap it with the closer of the week, Sunday. It sums it up nicely, and its a feeling I can relate to. Going through this same week by week game, of trying to find love in a world where love isn't just a gamble, its against all odds.



    | Posted on 2008-07-12 00:00:00 | by Passionbyapathy | [ Reply to This ]


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