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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Starfish on the Shores of Balidots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Synchronomyst
    ASL Info:    22/m
    Elite Ratio:    4.25 - 1/2/2
    Words: 317
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nature
    Total Views: 62
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2322



    Description:
       Tsuna-you?
    Tsuna- me?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsStarfish on the Shores of Balidots
    -------------------------------------------


    "These shores are a reflection
    Of the heaven beyond the horizon
    both subject to the whims
    Of gravitational tides"

    "...but starfish aren't fish
    Nor are they stellar explosions
    Stars aren't for the ocean
    They belong in the skies"

    Starfish on the Shores of Bali


    Penitent waves saunter ashore...
    Gently caressing
    The brittle frames
    Of sunbaked starfish
    As their glow fades away.
    Their tide-thrashed bodies
    Barren and ravaged
    In awkward akimbo
    among the typical offal
    Of the day beyond
    The sludge-filled sand;
    Their squishy skin
    A muddy pelage
    coloured a sickly
    shade of sadness.

    As the vultures arrive
    on frigid winds
    The seagulls retreat
    To come again

    But the sea only seeks
    to make amends
    With you and all of your
    Starfish friends


    As the waters recede,
    The low tide makes
    For a shallow grave.
    They have run aground
    Beneath the docks
    In city streets,
    In parlour fronts...
    Some released
    From the undertow
    Only to be swallowed
    By a bigger swell.

    "If there's a glimmer of life
    In this relentless blue
    It's drifting down
    To murky residue."


    Starfish strewn and
    Scattered like debris...
    Cold to the touch
    of desensitized hands.
    Silenced and subdued
    and hopelessly lost...
    The ocean never
    returned them to us.

    "I put you in a bag and I took you home with me
    And put you on my mantle in a place I'd always see
    I gave up all I had to honour your memory
    I lit you a red candle...
    Carved you an effigy.
    Starfish friend, please forgive me
    We were once the closest kin."

    -Anemone




    Submitted on 2008-07-10 13:05:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      My favorite part about this poem was, I think, the italicized portions. They provide a good contrast to the unitalicized parts. I think it's interesting that you chose to have the title and closing italicized. By doing that you associated those parts with the rhyming sections of the poem. If that isn't what you intended, you should probably just have them be in bold.

    A problem I have with this poem is that some parts seem a little dense and hard to read. I understand them, but some people might have difficulty understanding words like "penitent" and "pelage." I'm not saying that you should change these words -- just be aware that those difficult parts might restrict your audience.

    I love the atmosphere that this poem creates. It's mournful, gentle, beautiful, and ever-so-slightly spooky...
    | Posted on 2008-07-10 00:00:00 | by WhatYouWill | [ Reply to This ]


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