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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Not finished yetdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Katlord
    ASL Info:    24/no thanks/my room
    Elite Ratio:    2.17 - 375/199/101
    Words: 143
    Class/Type: Story/Misc
    Total Views: 757
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 774



    Description:
       I'm kind of working on this I can't really decide where I'm going with it. Umm any ideas.. maybe ish


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsNot finished yetdots
    -------------------------------------------


    The world that we once knew so well, the people. Their faces, that were once so clear , are now, on foggy memory after another. The last of them, a man called by the name of Thomas, has fallen. Where he lays, the place of new begining, is now where it ends. What happen back then? The children of today wonder. Gather round, there is a story to be told.
    Children are running, screaming, playing, doing what all children should. Not a care in the world. The trees were beautiful, fruit baring. The sky is clear and sunny. People here are happy, happy because of their innocence. They are unaware of the truth that lurks just beneath the surface. Unaware of those in constant agony just outside of the village. Just outside of their cage. Out of sight and out of mind.




    Submitted on 2008-07-10 16:45:06     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I liked this a lot, the only thing that I would do would be to add a another line or two between the lines, "Children are running, screaming, playing..." and "the trees were beautiful, fruit bearing...". The only reason I say this, is because it seems too abrupt of a segue between those lines; almost like a page is missing from a story. Other wise I really liked it and hope that you add on to it so I can finish it. Keep it up!!
    | Posted on 2008-07-18 00:00:00 | by Nicholas Lala | [ Reply to This ]
      the purity running through your poem is amazing. keep writing. check out my page
    | Posted on 2008-07-17 00:00:00 | by JoJoCrab | [ Reply to This ]


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    January 10 07
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