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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: About Forwarddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lori_tab
    ASL Info:    27/f/alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 1752/1517/481
    Words: 376
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 756
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2374



    Description:
       I hope this is something that people understand.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAbout Forwarddots
    -------------------------------------------


    A comet hailed fire at the pit of an alley
    the alley was in the back of my guitar
    which was laying on the floor
    inside a house
    that stood all alone within the range of some other stranded houses

    The reaction I get from it now looking back
    has something to do with the way of things
    is that the boy, and the girl, and all of us here that are alone
    which we all are
    just stand around and wait on these things to happen

    I saw something very important in bright green letters that caught my eyes
    they were on the cover of a book, that was taken from someone's fingertips, that belonged to the hands of a selfish and loving human being

    I hear these things
    they sounds like
    gentle crashes
    a snap in the synapses of the universe
    a beating or a thrumming in the middle of an old familiar song

    If you listen you can hear it too
    to you it might sound like god
    but I never really talked about it like that

    listen
    a strand of phone wire is melded to one building connecting another
    two voices vibrate and play
    one says,
    "if you ask me it's all about the way we adapt"
    that's right
    the other says"I'd say that it is motion, a circle and a train"

    coming down the tracks, the alarm is sounding now
    you are buckled down
    your feet cannot move
    cemented
    buckled
    cemented
    can't move even if you try
    and a loud sound fills your ears
    the sounds of a train coming
    towards you
    over you
    soon, very soon

    you fall
    backwards

    you wake up

    the adaptation of this is new
    going forward is something undiscovered
    feet crunch on gravel as one foot falls after the other
    and the progress is in motion and the motion will not stop

    instead of falling you are rhythmically dancing
    pushing your feet down
    pulling strings from no where and connecting them with your hair, your fingers, this paintbrush, that car

    you weave in and you weave out as if in the state of design
    the state of mind is
    synchronicity





    Submitted on 2008-07-12 03:23:58     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Doing this as I read rather than thinking about it.

    Since it doesn't seem that you would have a reason to literally have a comet clash with a guitar, I'm going to assume it is a metaphor for something cosmic. This is based on what I know of you and the repetition of symmetry and "greater" forces in the world.

    I'm not sure what the guitar would represent then. I could say a creative force. It could be more literal since I know you played guitar, or tried, at least once in life. So then the comet could be a firey force. Your creativity has come to a blaze. I don't know.

    The house that stands alone with other stranded houses would be representative of the existential existence that people lead.

    The next stanza seems to break away from the where the first was going. Change in thought.

    "The reaction I get from it now looking back"
    This either -is- connecting to the first stanza or is referencing something unmentioned.
    Standing around waiting for things to happen sounds pessimistic.

    Third stanza is probably referencing a book you had a friend purchase for you. Your world view made you think that this book was brought about through your sheer will power, which is why it is important because it "proves" your point after the fact.

    Fourth stanza: "synapses of the universe", a worldview that the universe is composed of a common consciousness which could be represented by a large universal brain that everyone is a part of.

    Fifth stanza: The universal consciousness could be likened to a god. Some may call it God, or any other name. But someone/people are hearing your words the wrong way and misinterpreting what you mean, so they think you speak of God when you don't.

    Sixth stanza: Flirting, love, or friendship. A personal reference. The telephone wire connects the two and that is how they interact and play. Anything closer might be too much. Why they're seperated, who they are, and if they're important remains up to the reader. The last line connects us to the next stanza.

    Seventh stanza: The repetition of "cannot move/cemented/buckled/cemented/can't move" would be symmetrical, a favorite topic of the author one might guess. The train rushing toward the speaker is dangerous, connecting it with the stanza before it might lead the reader to believe that the threat of the train is related to the individuals on the phone. The reader would probably be incorrect. The train is connected through the stanzas, but less likely to be important to any stanzas before this one.
    Fear holds the speaker in place. Why can't the speaker move? What is it that blinds the speaker to the safety around? As a metaphor, the train represents something loud, obvious, present before the speaker and the speaker feels that it can not escape at this moment.
    Or perhaps the speaker is frozen between choices. The speaker wants to be hit by the train. Metaphorically being hit by the train would be a massive force and change in life, the speaker fears this, but still is unsure of whether or not to move.

    Eighth/Ninth stanza:
    "you fall/backwards"
    "you wake up"
    Falling forward gives one more control because one can catch onself, can brace for the impact. Falling backwards could be symbolic of letting go, of giving up, of allowing what will come to come.

    Waking up is a new awareness from the unconscious slumber. A new beginning, a change in life. You wake up, the train did not hit, whatever occured, the speaker did not make a choice but allowed the fall to choose now the speaker comes forth into the life chosen for her.

    Tenth stanza:
    Seems to refute the falling backward from before. The speaker suddenly feels in control. The train is no longer a threat or important, life has changed, and before the speaker lay an undiscovered world she has chosen.
    Now having made this conscious choice, the speaker does not wish to stop and go back.

    Eleventh stanza:
    Further reaffirming the speakers new life is the reference to dancing, a joyful thing. I can't figure out any metaphor for the rest of this stanza though. Pulling strings would reference control I suppose, and all of the speakers body is in control.

    Final stanza:
    My understanding of "synchronicity" makes it difficult to follow what is intended by it.
    I figure the weaving in and out and mention of design is further reference to control, to consciousness, to creativity, to knowing what you are doing.
    The last two lines I'm at a loss for.

    There you go.
    | Posted on 2008-07-12 00:00:00 | by Sir Jimeth | [ Reply to This ]
      This one is even harder to comprehend... but ill give it a shot as well. The first stanza seems to me like you alluding to the old fire that used to rain when you'd play the guitar... the fluidity, the skill, the passion. You talk about being alone, because all people do is wait (which im not so sure I agree with). Then theres a book, an important book, which sets the point where the mood of the poem kind of changes. It was previously reminiscent,solemn, and nostalgic, now you seem to have your sites set forward. Some type of inspiration, something like a song, you can hear it, and it motivates you. Just when you set your sites forward, along comes a train to plague you in your dream... because you are so not used to moving forward, that you cant seem to find a way to do it. Your feet feel stuck, you stumble over yourself. But then you wake up, and its the first real time you've woken up, you feel free of what was holding you back. You used to take 2 steps back for every step forward, but now your practically dancing in a new direction. Finally it seems your life and your mind are working in sync.

    (I probably messed up quite a few parts, and misread quite a few things, but im working off very little here so bare with me lol.)
    | Posted on 2008-07-12 00:00:00 | by Passionbyapathy | [ Reply to This ]


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