Optimism: Asleep With The Sleepless by Passionbyapathy

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Submission Name: Optimism: Asleep With The Sleepless dots

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Author:	Passionbyapathy
ASL Info:	18/M/Ohio State
Elite Ratio:	6.06 - 174/189/127
Words:	657

Class/Type:	Misc/Misc
Total Views:	249
Average Vote:	5.0000
Bytes:	1329

Description:

Optimism: Asleep With The Sleepless dots

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Good day sunshine,
You shine so bright,
Help to pass the time.
So, set me in motion.
Moonshine good night.
Smoke and breathe
In the shallow light.
Let’s part souls
Like sun and moon.
Drift off as opposites
Kept in check by gravity.
We’ll be together,
While being apart.
We can only be as close
As our farthest stars.
Lets play keep away, baby.
So, we can come together.
Under the moonlight,
We can share the shelters
Of this atmospheric galaxy.
Oh light of mine,
Dawn in the morning time,
Let your shadow
Break into the sea.

Submitted on 2008-07-12 17:59:31 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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||| Comments |||
  First of all, this is a beautiful piece of work.

The whole piece flows together and describes a beautiful scenery at the same time. The descriptions were very thought out, and that's what caught my eye.

"Like sun and moon.
Drift off as opposites"

Outstanding lines. That's what made me read more.

My favorite lines were

"We can only be as close
As our farthest stars."

And that's very true.

I haven't read a piece like this in ages and it's excellent, so kudos to you, my friend.

-Beth
| Posted on 2008-08-04 00:00:00 | by crimson_panda | [ Reply to This ]
  Well, J,
I liked this peice, Because, It kept the common thought woven within even though it was about paradoxes and differences.
The format gave a nice outline to the poem and helped push your point across...

*thumbs up dude*

~Carrie
| Posted on 2008-07-14 00:00:00 | by dismal_s child | [ Reply to This ]
  Let’s part souls
Like sun and moon.

This reminds me of the Doors, "You know the day destroys the night
Night divides the day "

So I applied that theme with this piece because it seemed to fit.

"Oh light of mine,
Dawn in the morning time,
Let your shadow
Break into the sea."

This was very seductive and sensual. I like the imagery of the morning sun causing shadows, early shadows, it's just, I like that, I can put myself there, then it breaks into the sea...this is salty. Ha. I love it. Terrific and creative.

My interpretation was that distance and time are irrelevant here, and the important part is that we are all of nature and that is what makes the characters more together than anything.Really nice stuff.

| Posted on 2008-07-12 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
  Very trascendent...it gave me a feeling of astral projection almost...

I thought it was interesting how the rhythm changed as I read it. That's something I often do in my own poems. Why should words be restricted to a flowing river?

Why not let them be a tempestuous sea?

Several lines in this piece really struck me:
"Let’s part souls
Like sun and moon."
"We can share the shelters
Of this atmospheric galaxy."
"Dawn in the morning time,
Let your shadow
Break into the sea."

Those are beautiful lines, lifting my spirit and casting me off into the stars. Into space.

Breathe deep, seek peace, my friend.

~AsiaticFox (and KitsuneWind )

P.S. I'm guessing that the title is "Sleeping with the Sleepless"? Stupid title bar needs to give you more room.
| Posted on 2008-07-12 00:00:00 | by AsiaticFox | [ Reply to This ]

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