[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Home from the Wardots

    Author: Herrick
    ASL Info:    20/M/AL
    Elite Ratio:    3.5 - 20/29/11
    Words: 156
    Class/Type: Poetry/Alone
    Total Views: 1060
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1004

       rough draft

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHome from the Wardots

    It's been 15 months since he was last here
    So he takes his time walking to the door
    What will they think of him now?
    What will they see in his eyes?
    A Hero? A killer?
    Can he talk about what he's done?
    Where he's been and what he's seen?

    He steps to the door and raises a fist.
    What comes next?
    What happens when the door opens?
    Open arms?
    Another man in his place?
    An empty house?

    The lights are out and he hears nothing.
    He can't bear go into an empty house.
    The thought of everything to come.
    When everyone see's how he's changed.

    So he lower's his hand, turns around, and walks back to his car.
    Pasuse at an open car door...
    Looking back in regret.
    Steps into the car
    Closes the door
    Turns the key
    Puts the car into drive

    Another soldier dies at home.

    Submitted on 2008-07-13 02:00:18     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I agree with Jaz, this was beautiful. It said a lot about going to Iraq that you haven't really said aloud yet. I can promise you that no matter how long you are gone, we will all be waiting for you when you return. I could never see you as a killer. You were a hero to me even before you joined. I love you.
    As for the poem, I liked the overall flow. The absence of rhyme gave it a narrative feel that I though made it more meaningful. It was beautiful, and to say the least, very powerful. Reading the last line felt sort of like someone running up behind you and punching you in the back of the head. Just something strong and unexpected. It was wonderful, Chris. I love you.
    | Posted on 2008-07-13 00:00:00 | by jessie thomas | [ Reply to This ]
      I thnk I get this. And I think it is an original topic that not a lot of people are aware of, I thought it was touching, passionate, and well written. I hope you keep writing and I hope to see more from you. Really good piece.

    The last stanza was the most powerful after all of the build up.
    | Posted on 2008-07-13 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]