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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Moral Dilema dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lori_tab
    ASL Info:    27/f/alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 1752/1517/481
    Words: 195
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 792
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1017



    Description:
       This is about some of the things in life that you want, some of those desires and pleasures that come to humans that consume you and fog your head.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMoral Dilema dots
    -------------------------------------------


    These feelings are tender and sweet. Any descriptions would not do them justice. You would never know then by name, maybe it is just a pressure inside your chest. But men chase their desires and this passion consumes them. Many times they become selfish, it changes. It's about what they want, what they deserve, how they have suffered until now. And I am standing here with my words, with thoughts and love. And I am completely out of place. I'm a thief amidst great paintings, and I want to inspire them all. I want to break down the colors and I want to see, my love in them, my truth in them, my beliefs. I want there to be a great vibrating and trickling affect into the world where I have caused something to be happy. I want everything to be good by being brilliant. But if I get what I want, I am despicable, I am playing the role that is only given to me if I take it. Should I take it. Happiness is the ultimate goal. Appreciation is the key. It is an art to define yourself through creativity.




    Submitted on 2008-07-13 19:54:22     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This is really good -- cause it is easy for someone to read and relate to their lives. The real meaning behind it isn't important. What's important is that the reader can give it whatever meaning he/she wants.
    | Posted on 2008-07-23 00:00:00 | by Solomon Disease | [ Reply to This ]
      As a thought, the piece focused on a main idea and held my attention. It wandered off track at the end, pondering personal questions only the writer can answer.

    The distractions in the write were the redundancies. You can say something over and over without using the same phrases. In this piece, the phrases "I want" and "I am," occur frequently within a short span, which slows the read down.

    As a suggestion, here is what the piece could sound like absent the repetition:

    These feelings are tender and sweet. Any descriptions would not do them justice. You would never know then by name, maybe it is just a pressure inside your chest. But men chase their desires and this passion consumes them. Many times they become selfish, it changes. It's about what they want, what they deserve, how they have suffered until now. And I am standing here with my words, with thoughts and love, completely out of place; a thief amidst great paintings, and wanting to inspire them all. I want to break down the colors and see my love in them, my truth in them, my beliefs. Let there be a great vibrating and trickling affect into the world where I have caused something to be happy. My desire is for everything to be good by being brilliant. But if I get my way, I am despicable, playing the role that is only given to me if I take it. Should I take it? Happiness is the ultimate goal. Appreciation is the key. It is an art to define yourself through creativity.


    Just a thought.

    Greg
    | Posted on 2008-07-15 00:00:00 | by The Gadfly | [ Reply to This ]


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