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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Weight of the Worlddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Passionbyapathy
    ASL Info:    18/M/Ohio State
    Elite Ratio:    7.14 - 167/139/81
    Words: 251
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 107
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1534



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWeight of the Worlddots
    -------------------------------------------


    A thousand singing voices
    Echo through my mind
    Like arrows slung offhandedly
    Through distant space and time.
    They pierce my tender heart
    Like only each and every one of you
    Could ever dream to do.
    Your guilts and sorrows
    Your Todays and your Tomorrows
    Are bared carefully by me
    Like the old Greek Atlas
    Because you are my only world.
    You could sing it softer
    To help me understand,
    That you always knew
    I never said I wanted to
    feel those aches and pains for you.
    You all just run on by, as passerby’s
    And leave the dead to die.
    Unaffected by the lives you’ve neglected
    The false idols that you’ve erected,
    Or the comforts of your own reflection.
    I’d ask you twice to make nice
    But then your heart turned to ice
    As you gave yourself to sin and vice.
    No surprise to me,
    I could always see what you were born to be.
    I’d spin a verse or two
    So the news wasn’t quite so new,
    But you never even had a clue
    That I could ever feel that way towards you.
    Stars paint the pictures large enough
    For all of us to see the summertime.
    So, call me up, we’ll smoke a dime,
    Or maybe even two.
    For we all need something sweet ,
    And someone’s soul to sooth.
    In my heart, I’d sing the blues,
    In life theres only so much that I could ever do
    For every single one of you.




    Submitted on 2008-07-14 06:49:30     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      wow im not gonna go into structure or anything

    but frick im impressed James, i like this, it shows how you can step outside of your comfort zone, well from what i normally read..this is different. i dont know if its the tone you use or anything but i love it.

    "Unaffected by the lives you’ve neglected
    The false idols that you’ve erected,
    Or the comforts of your own reflection."

    that actually struck a chord in me, cause it reminds me of myself. and it brings back memories of the times i was happy because i had someone to love me yet i never returned it, i just took from him and then left him to go on with his own life. and from that day i regretted it, it actually is like a hole in my soul and i feel like im rotting inside all because of how i treated someone i came to realize to late how much i truly loved him.

    "But you never even had a clue
    That I could ever feel that way towards you."

    this reminds me of how clueless and ignorant we leave ourselves, thinking only of us and that if another person shows us affection we believe we do not deserve it because we know the truth of ourselves never believing for one moment someone could love us in spite of it. you lose so many people that way.... damn.

    "For we all need something sweet ,
    And someone’s soul to sooth."

    this is beautiful in itself. and yes im using the word beautiful here. i like this poem, it makes me think more of itself than of the way it should work and be read.


    "In life theres only so much that I could ever do
    For every single one of you."

    you couldn't end this poem any other way but this way. its perfect it fits amazingly. James really i believe this is your best poem to date. one of my favorites actually....

    You've gone beyond expectations this is an awesome poem hon

    *hugs*


    ~Nikki
    | Posted on 2008-07-15 00:00:00 | by nikita2u | [ Reply to This ]
      A thousand singing voices
    Echo through my mind
    Like arrows slung offhandedly
    Through distant space and time.

    well first off those first four lines had like the perfect rhyme and meter! well at least to me...i really liked reading that part out loud....

    before i go dissecting this piece, i just have to say that although at first i was so lost in your rhyming because it is soo...different throughout the whole thing, i have to admit that it wouldn't have been as good if you would have kept it uniform simply because it would have been too repetitious....

    They pierce my tender heart
    Like only each and every one of you

    i like your use of the "each and every one of you" because although you're talking about a lot of people, it makes it seem like either you are only talking about one, or that all of the people were at some point the only one...idk

    Like the old Greek Atlas
    Because you are my only world.

    as i'm sure you know, this was my favorite line because it brought so much imagery to the piece....
    i usually hate poems that are just words and they don't leave me with any pictures to imagine when i close my eyes or anything to dream about, but that line went perfectly in the poem, nice job.

    Stars paint the pictures large enough
    For all of us to see the summertime.
    So, call me up, we’ll smoke a dime,
    Or maybe even two.
    For we all need something sweet ,
    And someone’s soul to sooth.
    In my heart, I’d sing the blues,
    In life theres only so much that I could ever do
    For every single one of you.

    lol you know why that's my second favorite part right? lol first off, summertime is the season i love the most because...well...because of all the magic. but i don't know...i guess the ending of the poem makes it feel like home. call me up, we'll smoke a dime, or maybe even two.

    lol.

    anyway, it is a bit rhymy but i liked it.
    | Posted on 2008-07-14 00:00:00 | by was_i_ever_real | [ Reply to This ]
      im added the comment so u cant delete it HA

    its very sad in my opinion but i love it alot!
    great job hun!
    | Posted on 2008-07-14 00:00:00 | by twistedchick | [ Reply to This ]


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