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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Mommy Hates Me (redone)dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: daughterofdeath
    ASL Info:    17/F/West Virginia
    Elite Ratio:    5.03 - 248/227/183
    Words: 218
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Being a Teen
    Total Views: 65
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1357



    Description:
       i changed the chorus and the beginning of the second verse.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMommy Hates Me (redone)dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Can you tell me what did I do
    Mommy dearest what did I do to you.
    All your yelling and your screaming
    I swear I didn't do anything.
    Inside my room behind a lock door
    I won't let you hurt me anymore.

    You tell me that I'm not perfect.
    That I'm not what you want me to be.
    I won't turn myself into you.
    I won't change cause, mommy hates me.

    Tears are falling, in the bathroom
    So afraid, I'm not leaving soon.
    You say I think only of me
    But that all I can do to make you see
    Who I want to be.

    You tell me that I'm not perfect.
    That I'm not what you want me to be.
    I won't turn myself into you.
    I won't change cause, mommy hates me.

    Mommy hates me.
    And mommy can't stand who it is
    That I want to be.
    So she spends her life hurting me
    Trying to change me.
    But she can't see I'm happy with
    The way I am.
    As long as I'm unhappy she doesn't
    Give a damn.

    You tell me that I'm not perfect.
    That I'm not what you want me to be.
    I won't turn myself into you.
    I won't change cause, mommy hates me.





    Submitted on 2008-07-14 20:30:45     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      My comments for the original stand even with this one. Your sentence arrangement and construction here is not really the best. Maybe let me try to redo this, at least the first line and tell me what you think.

    Can you tell me what I did?
    Mommy dearest,
    what did I do to you
    To receive all your yelling and screaming?


    Still,
    God bless,
    Joel

    | Posted on 2008-08-26 00:00:00 | by nevender | [ Reply to This ]


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    12. Does it feel original?



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