[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: baby, come back to beddots

    Author: freeradical
    ASL Info:    22/feline/london
    Elite Ratio:    5.26 - 311/405/63
    Words: 168
    Class/Type: Poetry/Sorry
    Total Views: 1014
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1256

       okay, so i fucked up and slept with him again. no big deal, right?

    hm, i don't agree with myself either.

    FUCK. why do i do this to myself.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsbaby, come back to beddots

    i could skip every step on the
    eightfold path.

    he's enlightenment.

    a passing touch
    and mingle of breath
    convince my will
    with endless undercurrent struggle,
    as we discard layers.

    and promises.

    rips off my heart,
    lonely and sleevless on the floor
    beside his clothing
    and a broken watch-
    tick tock.

    time is lost.

    yet i am found.

    aftermath of the explosion,
    i can feel bits of myself
    clinging to this,
    as i tear myself away from
    the only heaven
    i'd ever wish to know.

    a chorus of inside angels
    or devils
    (depending on the night)
    deafen me with their song
    of serendipity.

    or condemnation.

    i take the breath i swore
    i would never breathe again.
    and pick up my heart,
    leave ticking time behind,
    and turn to face myself
    in the bathroom mirror.

    swollen lips
    and flush skin,
    broken heart
    and bloodshot eyes.

    i am a stupid,
    stupid girl-

    "baby come back to bed."

    Submitted on 2004-07-04 23:05:59     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      This piece serves well to illustrates the wide canal between the needs of lust and the needs of true emotional well being. So often when we give in to the former the latter is left bruised and battered. Why is life so freaking contradictory sometimes?

    Again I enjoyed your travelogue style of taking me where you need me to go.
    | Posted on 2007-04-07 00:00:00 | by ErgoIgo | [ Reply to This ]
      Hm... I just did it again too. I thought I was over this relationship that lasted way too much just to find myself holding her in my arms again. I made sure this time it's really over but who the [censored] knows... so I can really relate to this. Good write !
    | Posted on 2004-07-07 00:00:00 | by Paradox | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh my, it's much better than in the John Mayer song of the same name. It looks like by the time I got here you must have done an edit along the lines of Apt Pupils recomend. The tone is so human, you write in the language of everyday conversation. But I am confused because you rue what has happened. Is this some change that has come about, or did I mis understand from the begining?
    Well I think the pain is real, the poem is personal, and of course, excellent.
    | Posted on 2004-07-07 00:00:00 | by Sandburg | [ Reply to This ]
      Yes Piaf would make something out of this.
    And die singing it.
    The eternal paradox: damned if you do...
    So. If damned then be damned.
    Deafened by a song of (cupidity).
    Perfidia's last goodbye.
    Get some ice on those lips...

    You are a very effective narrator and story teller. Very photo-realist, evocative and attentive to small detail. So nuance is a bonus by-product.
    Just very good.
    | Posted on 2004-07-06 00:00:00 | by Awkward | [ Reply to This ]
      Great. You had to go and remind me of this.

    Aftermath usually involves travelling home on some decrepit public transport that matches your equally decrepit and filthy body and soul. And people keep looking at you and you can't help but think that there's sperm in your hair or the knickers that you thought you'd lost are actually slowly but surely making a break for freedom through the bottom of your trouser leg.
    And all the way you're thinking "omg I can't believe I was such a [censored] idiot/yeahbutitwasgoooooood/Huh, so much for all the good intentions/yeeeah but it was good, you dirty dirty girl....."
    I know.
    But if it's any consolation, I grew out of it. I grew up and my will hardened. He couldn't take advantage of me any more... now the stiletto is on the other foot; I'm the one who has the power to say come back to bed...
    But I like my bed the way it is; empty.
    For now.

    I liked the serendipity line too. But don't think of it as serendipity; that would mean infallible forces are conspiring against you. Think of it as you being weak-willed and immature, cos at least you can change that. Know what I mean?

    But good write. I like the way you're such a sex kitten. I am too. I just don't wanna post stuff like this cos then all the pervs will come to my page and copy my pics for the evening's wank-fest. Power to ya....
    | Posted on 2004-07-06 00:00:00 | by Learah | [ Reply to This ]
      <insert something comforting that's witty and informative to hear that will make you feel better about this, which has already happened and cannot change>

    the back and forth between wrong and right is very subtly shown here, in enlightenment and stupidity that is not dull as one might think indecisiveness would be as an internal monologue. very evocative to stand in front of a mirror and see the sweet damage to your body for yourself and still not be able to to make up your mind for good. great write.

    | Posted on 2004-07-05 00:00:00 | by blueorchids | [ Reply to This ]
      I hate writing this, but this is nearly exactly what I was feeling sunday nite. Nearly. It's so great while it's happening, it's so perfect and wonderful, and like you said-- enlightenment. (I thought of the word "Nirvana" in the aftermath.) I tried leaving once, but he called me back to the couch, and I hesitated but then gave in. As I drove away (there was no time for pattering), my heart ripped in two and this enormous void opened up inside of me. You know it. I know it.

    Tried to end things last night, and he came tiptoeing back over the course of today... we'll see what happens in the next few days.

    ANYWAYS- you got it just right. Hit a soft spot with this piece.
    | Posted on 2004-07-12 00:00:00 | by mixedemotions00 | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]