prayin ain't cheap by Nicholas Lala

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Submission Name: prayin ain't cheap dots

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Author:	Nicholas Lala
Elite Ratio:	5.63 - 40/28/23
Words:	61

Class/Type:	Poetry/
Total Views:	76
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	433

Description:
for all the believers in the audience...not for everyone to understand, more like, ponder why.

prayin ain't cheap dots

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wishing wells
and shooting stars
are all equal to
praying.
a last ditch
effort
to get a second
run at a problem.
once you've run out
of options,
relying on
another entity
to solve your
crap,
usually gives
you a free flush.
stars and God are free.
wells cost money.
less bang for your buck.

Submitted on 2008-07-15 20:41:02 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  While I liked the cynical edge here, I thought the imagery here was a bit too overused, I think that it could have a lot more bite if it was changed up, though I couldn't honestly think of a replacement off the head of my head. Though I felt like the closing part was strong, and had a good, emotional kick to it.

| Posted on 2008-07-27 00:00:00 | by brokenmuse | [ Reply to This ]
   that ending is great. this was a really well written piece.

it's funny because i bet a lot of people that read this got offended for the simple fact that you spoke truth and it slapped them in the face. brings me back to the theory that there is no such thing as selflessness. everything you do you do for a purpose, and that purpose is to help you in some way, if only to make you feel better about yourself.

a last ditch
effort
to get a second
run at a problem.

i admit that the first time i read this piece, i was a bit thrown off with the use of crap in there. i guess i was expecting a little more eloquence, but after reading through a couple of times, i came to the decision that this piece could be written no other way.

stars and God are free.
wells cost money.
less bang for your buck.

jaw dropping.
*bows* excellent write.
| Posted on 2008-07-23 00:00:00 | by was_i_ever_real | [ Reply to This ]
  How very, very true. I had never thought of the two in this way before. You really gave me and interesting angle to think about, thank you.

As for this poem, I enjoyed the short sentences as kind of jarred and fractured in a way. There are a hundred different ways to write a single poem, and I believe that you chose the best format to fit your idea.

Overall I enjoyed your originality and unique perspective.

Nicely done.
| Posted on 2008-07-17 00:00:00 | by Celeste J. Bell | [ Reply to This ]
  This was written very well. I loved it because I feel the same. It flowed very well and the emotion was apparent. I do think that if a well makes a wish come true for a penny, someone will be rich. Keep up the awesome work and I'll keep reading

»Haely«
| Posted on 2008-07-17 00:00:00 | by MinervaBlu | [ Reply to This ]

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