Eh? by Ghilanibee

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Submission Name: Eh? dots

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Author:	Ghilanibee
ASL Info:	16/F/IN
Elite Ratio:	2.04 - 5/15/27
Words:	63

Class/Type:	Poetry/Romance
Total Views:	70
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	380

Description:

Eh?

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I can see the dark waters
I can see them swirling around you
And I can see them trying to take you.

People come and they stare
They see the water too,
But they don't care.

I watch those waters,
As they suck your beautiful face down,
And I will reach my hand out for you.

Will you take it?

Submitted on 2008-07-17 06:31:46 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  People never see what they have in front of them until that person is up and gone. Sometimes they don't even give that person a chance. But that's human nature I guess. As for this work of art your words give images to your readers. Your descriptive language will carry you very far. This art was perfection keep it up

Josh
| Posted on 2008-10-02 00:00:00 | by poet09 | [ Reply to This ]
  This poem has a lot of depth to it.
"I can see the dark waters
I can see them swirling around you
And I can see them trying to take you." <-- It opens up the poem with one fluid motion of words that pushes you into another thought and time frame.

I felt slowly pulled down by your words, as if I was the one being swallowed and you were reaching your hand out to me. Then I asked myself, would I take the hand you offered? Would anyone?

It makes me wonder about those in the world (and I am ashamed to be one of them) that refuse help even when it is offered at the most sincerest and desperate of times. You linked the two points and twisted them together to let us read both parts, as if we were both actors in this play.

This work is tremendous. I felt a personal link with it, and you should feel ultimate pride for being able to touch people with your writings.

Bravo!
| Posted on 2008-07-17 00:00:00 | by Celeste J. Bell | [ Reply to This ]
  This poem touches on the fact that people just pass by without getting involved... we are probably too absorbed in our own pain and efforts to stay alive to care about someone else 'drowning'.

It evokes images of someone spiralling down deeper and deeper and seeing the light getting fainter on top... until your hand plunges in and stretches out towards them - offering to save them and give them hope again...

I feel myself drifting down with your words and slowly being enveloped by the swirling dark waters... powerful words!

Very well written!
| Posted on 2008-07-17 00:00:00 | by Beulah | [ Reply to This ]

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