[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Your Hell's a Jokedots

    Author: BlazeFlamme
    ASL Info:    22/m/TX
    Elite Ratio:    1.8 - 23/161/138
    Words: 254
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 447
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1618


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsYour Hell's a Jokedots

    Yeah, go on and lift your brow
    Pretend you have concern
    Act like you're living pain
    Allow hurt to have it's turn

    You can cringe when you breathe
    Gasp for air with every intake
    Treat that weight like knives in you
    You're lungs would cave were it not fake

    Yeah summon those tears
    Just make sure to let me know
    So I think you're miserable
    I know it's a fucking show

    Take each step with a limp
    Struggle to stand on your feet
    Appear an injured dog for me
    Well, you are a dog atleast

    Moan about your hollow heart
    Whine that it will never fill
    One eye open, am I watching?
    Hard to tell when I'm entirely still

    Yeah you don't like to think of me
    With another when I have a smile
    But I've walked hard for six long years
    My legs were broken within the last mile

    So I'm not going one more step
    If you really do want me back
    You'll have to drag me through glass and salt
    Where my legs are soaking at

    Because I won't help you, the choice is yours
    Just don't pretend you're hurting, that's a lie
    I haven't the small will that yours remains
    If you endured what I have, you'd lose your mind

    Supposively it has hurt in the past
    But back then it was all hit and miss
    Next time chills go down your spine
    Just know, you don't know what hell is

    Submitted on 2008-07-18 05:40:22     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Great Job with this
    In this write you easily captured the anger and rage one feels when they have been seriously hurt in a relationship
    I cant say I know this feeling because Honestly even though I am 39 years old I have Honestly never been in Love before
    To be Honest with you this write shows me exactly why I have always been afraid of Love as in a relationship
    Again Great Job!!!
    Please if you get a chance Please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think
    Thank You
    God Bless
    | Posted on 2008-07-19 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh wow such rage. I loved this. They way you wrote it was so refrshing. Like you were narrating this Hell. Im very tired right now so sorry if my comment is BLECH but i just wanted to say i liked this. Great Job!!
    | Posted on 2008-07-19 00:00:00 | by WhY-dO-yOu-CrY | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    written by Daniel Barlow
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Human Progression written by ForgottenGraves
    written by Daniel Barlow
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Comparisons written by MyPeriodical
    I am a sorry son. Part two written by MyPeriodical
    The annointed one is persecuted. written by MyPeriodical
    Giant written by MyPeriodical
    Behest written by Daniel Barlow
    not alone written by Daniel Barlow
    I am a sorry son. written by MyPeriodical
    Blues written by TheStillSilence
    written by Daniel Barlow
    untitled written by MyPeriodical
    One day older, One year wiser. written by Rhythmal
    Hide away written by robbie
    Bust written by Daniel Barlow
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Begin Again written by Teofila
    Scared written by MyPeriodical
    potpourri written by MyPeriodical
    Leyenda de Un Maldito Cobarde written by MyPeriodical
    Silly Rulers. written by MyPeriodical
    In God's Name written by poetotoe
    Release written by robbie
    MY VERY OWN DEATH written by Ethan Brody
    Next to you written by robbie
    I am still sorry. written by MyPeriodical
    written by Daniel Barlow




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]