-.- by rubymoon

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Submission Name: -.- dots

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Author:	rubymoon
Elite Ratio:	4.12 - 131/131/73
Words:	72

Class/Type:	Misc/Misc
Total Views:	58
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	448

Description:
Something churned out in about a min... no edits. The title is how I feel when that SOMEONE asked me to write it

-.-

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Duckie asked me to write this piece
and write I shall…
Me thinks it’s like raindrops falling
on a pond, ripples on still water

Disturbing the stillness, and yet bring peace
the sound of it, the looks of it,
the touch of water on skin…
the fresh smell of it

I guess I am stirred and yet calmed
Happy and anxious and yet waiting…
waiting for the right time

Submitted on 2008-07-18 15:27:38 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
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||| Comments |||
  perhaps it should be bringing peace?

i liked the start
im toying with writing a song starting off with [insert name here] told me i should write a song but yes... it hasnt happened right yet
but i like the start... bringing a person into the piece that the reader doesnt know. nor do they know their relationship to the narrative voice...

im questioning what 'it' is though...
theres so many instances of 'it' but im still not exactly sure what youre refering to

but i like the honesty the end brings
the way you admit youre all over the place while waiting for the right time [though im not sure what the right time is for]

you could possibly be a little more clear of your intentions but thats okay...
interesting title
| Posted on 2008-08-16 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
  I disagree a little with Imadjinn
I dont feel this write is cliché at all
I believe perhaps that Duckie is someone you want to wstablish a relationship with and you were flattered when he asked you to write this
This came togther very well and your words show the warmth and Love you have for him perfectly
Great Work!!!
Looking forward to reading more from you in the Future
Please if you get a chance Please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think
Thank You
God Bless
Ron
| Posted on 2008-07-19 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
  hah, I thought it was going to continue to be a lighthearted poem, after the first lines, but It became something a little more samblonic, as you suggest. Your word choice is a little cliché, but that's something that can be helped with editing. I think it is exactly what you say it is, a spur of the moment write, and those are always good as well
| Posted on 2008-07-18 00:00:00 | by Imadjinn | [ Reply to This ]

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