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    dots Submission Name: without youdots

    Author: blueorchids
    ASL Info:    30/F/California
    Elite Ratio:    6.43 - 1096/928/91
    Words: 108
    Class/Type: Poetry/Sorry
    Total Views: 1228
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 608

       unapologetically unemotional about someone you've gotten smart enough not to love anymore.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotswithout youdots

    tonight i can't feel love in my veins for you;
    it's as if the everflow of blood has gone dry.
    close my eyes to look for the memories of us together,
    but the forever in the memory has all but been erased.
    i try to think of you in the way that makes me smile
    yet nothing comes to me and no smile appears.
    done all i could do to keep you still in my head;
    apparently even that wasn't enough to stay you.
    in my dreams, now someone else holds my hand, lays by my side,
    as if i didn't notice when exactly you slipped silently away.

    Submitted on 2004-07-05 02:45:01     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I like this alot, I'm married now but I can remember what a lost love feels like and you summed it up pretty well,
    | Posted on 2008-04-22 00:00:00 | by Spin | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey sorry I haven't checked up on your poems in awhile scince I added you to my fav's (which I still read) so enough with the sorry's i'm here to read your beautiful poetry child cause I love it ever so much lol.Ok let me start by saying that like this poem cause you told whoever that your through with his sorry ass there's nothing left in your relationship with him and he's been replaced I thought that was good way to end things lol. You also wrote that he aint even worth thinking about anymore and your just a faint memory but that was kinda harsh damn what he do to make you forget him like that was he a bad lover or brought nothing but unneeded drama lol. Any ways I promise you that I will check on more of your poetry. 1 Love
    | Posted on 2005-03-31 00:00:00 | by C. Flava | [ Reply to This ]
      ahhh, you expressed it perfectly! believe me I know too well! I like it even though it is written free verse... It has a lot in it, I had to read it over a few times. great job!
    | Posted on 2004-12-23 00:00:00 | by AmandaLyn | [ Reply to This ]
      This reminds me of a Halestorm song.

    "I'm In love with somebody
    Found someone who completes me
    I'm in love with somebody,
    Yeah, and it's not you."

    (Great song btw) The poem is very...flat...like you could be telling this person these words while filing your nails or something equally nonchalant. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think thats what you were going for. And it came across nicely
    | Posted on 2004-07-06 00:00:00 | by LadyChaos | [ Reply to This ]
      It gets worse. Drought settles to the bone and cracks the earth. Fish lie drowning in the heat and everything stinks briefly from the rot, luckily there are crows and buzzards to pick the meat from what is left, or this state might never give way to the desert of desolation. It holds a distant beauty of its own...
    | Posted on 2004-07-06 00:00:00 | by Lelik | [ Reply to This ]
      the clarity of the part about trying to think of him so that you smile...that part I SAW and it was sad and hit deep. I'm sorry if this is factual or recent...
    | Posted on 2004-07-05 00:00:00 | by joe quinn | [ Reply to This ]
      i love this. love it so much it's goin on the favorites. i guess it just kind of stings a bit. but at least you got over him, whether in real life or as a figment of your imagination.

    your structure and rhythm are most excellent, mademoiselle... i commend you. and i enjoy the ending muchly. it sounds like something i would write.

    if i was happier. lol.
    | Posted on 2004-07-05 00:00:00 | by freeradical | [ Reply to This ]
      beautiful. this piece is powerful. it no doubt, made me think back, so i can obviously compare...in addition, i thought that your style and rhythm on this, really played a key role. it just set the tone/mood. keep it up!
    | Posted on 2004-12-06 00:00:00 | by MizCandy05 | [ Reply to This ]
      i like this... i like how its not I HATE YOU I HATE YOU but more like "whats your name again?" it takes a whole lotta skill to be doing that...
    'wasnt enough to stay you' is BRILLIANT! hehe... i love it! anyways yeah... the last line is the kick in the guts for him... most of all... though you prolly very did notice when he slipped out the door only now you dont remember and you dont give a damn... good write my orchids girl... go you!
    | Posted on 2004-07-16 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]

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