The Story About the Battle with the Wasp
Based on actual events.
"An epic tale!" -New York Times
"Simply Amazing." -The Washington Times
"Yes! Huh!" -Morris Day & the Time
Part I: The Beginning of the Story
I was sitting in my chair, having just gotten out of the shower, waiting for the time to leave for work. There was this buzzing sound behind me, and I turned around to see a wasp flying around my light.
It was scary.
I spent the next few minutes darting around my room dodging this tiny beast. Eventually my mom heard me crashing around and came to check things out. I explained to her the situation and she provided me with some wasp spray. Unfortunately, I couldn't spray the wasp until it landed somewhere, but it wouldn't fucking land.
I spotted a towel laying in my floor and formulated a plan. I picked the towel up, and threw it at my assailant. The towel made contact, and the wasp retreated to behind my television.
After spending a couple of minutes trying to stir the creature back out of hiding, I gave up because I had to go to work.
As I left, I began the fear the inevitable battle that would occur once I returned to my den.
Part II: The Second Part of the Story
After a massive day at work, a quick visit with my girl that I hadn't seen in four days, and a quick stop at Kangaroo, I once again made my way back into my room.
Quickly opening my door and flipping on the light, I scanned the room for the winged devil. It was nowhere to be seen.
I began my nightly activities, and all was well until suddenly...
Luckily for me, it's current attack plan involved buzzing clumsily around my light, paying no attention to me. I took a chance and dived out of my chair and towards my door.
Somehow, I made it.
The wasp continued its dizzying journey around my light.
The next part of the battle was very intense. I stood at my doorway, my hand tightly gripping the doorknob in case I needed to escape, trying to formulate a plan.
Around ten minutes later, the wasp landed on my ceiling, hanging there like an upside down spawn of Satan, staring me in the eyes menacingly as if to say, "I am going to feast on your soul!".
A shiver ran down my spine.
Adrenaline pumping, I acted purely on instinct. I lunged forward a step and picked up my weapon, a pizza box. Quickly, I slowly began raising the box up towards the pestiferous pest.
I slammed the box against the bug, pushing on it hard to make sure it would be fully dead. (As opposed to being only a little dead.)
But I was scared. What if I lowered the box and it wasn't dead? The wasp would be pissed off all to hell and immediately begin fucking my world up. I pushed on the box a few more times, applying as much pressure as possible.
I took a deep breath and began lowering the box, tilting it away from me, so as to direct it away from me should it start flying around.
I peeked over the side of the pizza box..
My god, I thought. The bug lived! I quickly slammed the box back against the ceiling, this time moving the box around to try and smash the wasp more efficiently.
I took a deep breath.
My next plan was simple. I dropped the box while simultaneously running in fear towards my door, just in case. The wasp was still alive. I don't think it could fly any longer. It moved around on the box, eventually making its way off of it and into my floor. My floor! I grabbed the wasp spray which was still sitting on my desk from the previous battle, and knelt down and began to spray my enemy. It crawled under a stray piece of paper. I picked up the pizza box again and used the side of it to smash the wasp more.
Part III: The Final part of the Story
Mostly I felt horrible at this point and wanted the it dead for it's own sake, so it wouldn't have to feel whatever sort of pain that the attempted smashings and wasp spray had created for the wasp.
It could barely move.
I picked it up with a paper towel and smashed the poor creature between my fingers, to finish it off.
The battle was won, and I had somehow managed to emerge, still clinging to life.
I sat down and almost cried. I shouldn't have done that. I don't kill things.
Why didn't I just catch it in a glass and release it outside?
After all was said and done, it turned out that I was the true demon.