This site will self destruct in 2 months, March 17.
It will come back, and be familiar and at the same time completely different.
All content will be deleted. Backup anything important.
--- Staff
Roleplay Cloud -

Sign up to EliteSkills

Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

Willing Prisoner

Author: sweet_rayne
ASL Info:    25/f/canada
Elite Ratio:    3.86 - 493 /464 /111
Words: 71
Class/Type: Misc /Misc
Total Views: 1210
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 425


A work in progress

Willing Prisoner

A Moonless night
In his arms
Everything feels so right
Never letting me go
As I play by his rules
Or not at all
As he strips my
Clothes away I know
How forever feels
And he pins my hands
To explore my body
Uninterrupted as he
Holds me as his willing prisoner
And when he invades me I
Cannot help but feel complete

Submitted on 2008-07-22 09:14:51     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  i like the constant contradictions in this poem...
the irony of something bad turning good in the next line...

an encounter that borders on abusive and controlling...but just the right amount that i like it...

the way the lines end works for me...
there is an odd flow that way but it fits the feeling of the poem well, i think...

"pinned" me to the poem
| Posted on 2011-03-05 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
  hey and hi
welcome bak and thanx much for the great comment

i havnt been on inawhile either its aleaz good to read a comment

i think we write our pieces the way we say them like yor other to comments i dont have alot of advice maybe add a few words that captivate ones, inner being as the sensuality of pleasure enhances anothers sensitivity

once again thanx
| Posted on 2008-07-25 00:00:00 | by sandman | [ Reply to This ]
  Try playing with your line stops to creat a smooter read. Remember that a reader automatically stops at the end of a line, some of these would be better joined since smoothing it out will give you a more sensual sound.
The word invade--I realize why you used it, but know that it gives the visualization of force that is somewhat at odds with forever. ore maybe its just the starkness of the style that is at odds.
| Posted on 2008-07-23 00:00:00 | by jaycee | [ Reply to This ]
  Whatever you end up changing, (cause you said it was a work in progress) don't change the last two lines, i like how that flows, Or actually i guess i just like the last line,
I Like it, you already know it could use work, so i won't repeat that. Good job, pm me if you edit it, It'd be cool to read a finished? version of it.
| Posted on 2008-07-22 00:00:00 | by PryncessVynom | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?