Willing Prisoner

Author: sweet_rayne ASL Info:    25/f/canada Elite Ratio:    3.86 - 493 /464 /111 Words: 71

Class/Type: Misc /Misc Total Views: 1210 Average Vote:    No vote yet. Bytes: 425

Description:

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Willing Prisoner

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A Moonless night In his arms Everything feels so right Never letting me go As I play by his rules Or not at all As he strips my Clothes away I know How forever feels And he pins my hands To explore my body Uninterrupted as he Holds me as his willing prisoner And when he invades me I Cannot help but feel complete

Submitted on 2008-07-22 09:14:51     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments

i like the constant contradictions in this poem... the irony of something bad turning good in the next line... an encounter that borders on abusive and controlling...but just the right amount that i like it... the way the lines end works for me... there is an odd flow that way but it fits the feeling of the poem well, i think... "pinned" me to the poem

| Posted on 2011-03-05 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]

hey and hi welcome bak and thanx much for the great comment i havnt been on inawhile either its aleaz good to read a comment i think we write our pieces the way we say them like yor other to comments i dont have alot of advice maybe add a few words that captivate ones, inner being as the sensuality of pleasure enhances anothers sensitivity once again thanx sandman

| Posted on 2008-07-25 00:00:00 | by sandman | [ Reply to This ]

Try playing with your line stops to creat a smooter read. Remember that a reader automatically stops at the end of a line, some of these would be better joined since smoothing it out will give you a more sensual sound. The word invade--I realize why you used it, but know that it gives the visualization of force that is somewhat at odds with forever. ore maybe its just the starkness of the style that is at odds. jan

| Posted on 2008-07-23 00:00:00 | by jaycee | [ Reply to This ]

Whatever you end up changing, (cause you said it was a work in progress) don't change the last two lines, i like how that flows, Or actually i guess i just like the last line, I Like it, you already know it could use work, so i won't repeat that. Good job, pm me if you edit it, It'd be cool to read a finished? version of it. Vynom

| Posted on 2008-07-22 00:00:00 | by PryncessVynom | [ Reply to This ]

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