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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: untitleddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Dolor
    Elite Ratio:    4.64 - 64/85/51
    Words: 82
    Class/Type: Prose/Dark
    Total Views: 127
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 482



    Description:
       A little dark, a little different from the rest of my other stuff on this site. I like it though. I don't write straight-out prose often, so it has a poetic style; however, I think it's best left in sentence-structure.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsuntitleddots
    -------------------------------------------


    You will remain everything to me. Through life and death, meaning is unchanged: unlike the blossoming butterfly or the sands sifting through time, it is perfection evermore eternal: you are the beauty of the most violent crystasis; the longing is erased, the fulfillment revealed in those dark eyes.

    Remind me, again, look at me once. You break the shell of my hardened soul. Rejuvenate me. Remind me what it is like to be alive.

    (So I can truly die.)




    Submitted on 2008-07-22 10:48:21     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      to want to taste life, love and beauty to its fullest before we die is what we all secretly want, creative types most of all, i'm sure.

    is "evermore" a nod to poe? if it isn't, ditching that word would tighten this up seeing as "eternal" says exactly the same thing.

    my one other critique was thinking about only using your first and last sentences of your second paragraph. anything with the word "soul" tends to make me think it's overused; with "rejuvenate me" i think that's already implicitly said throughout this piece.

    with that said, i enjoyed the brevity and passion of this.
    | Posted on 2008-07-22 00:00:00 | by discombobulated | [ Reply to This ]



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    January 10 07
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