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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: smoking causes lung cancerdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: was_i_ever_real
    ASL Info:    21/f/tx
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 183/69/42
    Words: 139
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 166
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 921



    Description:
       i'm not sure i like the ending...what do you think?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotssmoking causes lung cancerdots
    -------------------------------------------


    i'm not sure why you caught my attention
    like a particularly well written phrase
    but you just seemed to fit
    and the funny thing is i wasn't even writing
    at the time.
    you amazed me...
    like the first hit i ever took
    off a [cigarette]
    i inhaled too much of you.
    and you burned all the way down
    but my lungs absorbed you too deep
    i could never get you out
    it's true what "they" say
    the best poison tastes sweet
    my notebook quickly filled
    with smoke inspired dreams
    frenzies of rhyme and form,
    and you, of course
    but the ash burned fast
    you became filtered and harsh
    i'm addicted.
    and just as you planned
    all i can think about is that next pack.
    even if it kills me
    because my wri[you]ting means too much
    to just give up.




    Submitted on 2008-07-23 07:30:11     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is incredible.

    i read it just for laughs when i saw the title and i wanted to see what it was about, considering i just came in from a smoke break.

    it suprised me and i really liked the comparisons alot, and the title fits very nicely.

    Beautiful, im not quite sure what else to say here.

    You have left me(and i am very longwinded so this is rather uncommon) speachless.

    Great piece
    Channie

    | Posted on 2009-11-01 00:00:00 | by dthforeverpain8 | [ Reply to This ]
      i do taste sweet dont i.
    | Posted on 2009-06-12 00:00:00 | by PO3TiKPO1SON | [ Reply to This ]
      Very nicely written. I liked the comparitive you gave between smoking and your addiction to the person. Perhaps the ending could be such as: because the smoke you gave me
    made me have a cancer of love .
    | Posted on 2008-07-24 00:00:00 | by realpoet | [ Reply to This ]



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    January 10 07
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