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    dots Submission Name: Falling.dots

    Author: CourtneyLynne
    ASL Info:    23/female/Washington
    Elite Ratio:    5.37 - 74/70/56
    Words: 226
    Class/Type: Misc/Serious
    Total Views: 697
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 1588

       just read a very sad story...it made me think about the emotions that run through ones head when everything seems to be going flatline. i came up with this, at a little past midnight and typed it down in a half-daze. it came out comprehensible, so here it is.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    In the dark embraces of slumber's call,

    ashen memories linger as dancing wraiths

    eloquent melodies weaving intricate

    among the lilies growing delicate

    in the deep crevices of her mind.

    Demons crawling, their nails sharp

    wreaking havoc on her soul

    gently though, with a lover's touch

    she never felt them, all that much

    destroying the heart that cried.

    Darkened eyes flinging hurt

    like daggers, at her life, and

    the lies she tells every day

    when they ask about the scars

    up and down her arm.

    Never hoping for reform,

    she likes the way she hurts;

    the band-aids on her heart

    cover the pain in part

    what her soul has deemed to show.

    Hiding in her room, she has no clue

    who she is or why she hurts

    only knows the sad soft tears

    that flood as diamond morphine drops

    off her cheeks, to the ground.

    Bittersweet calling of the night

    begging her to fall,

    begging her to take the knife

    she's held up all night long.

    Falling, freely, dragging down

    eyes watching the corners

    whispering whims deadly sweet

    their voices dashing soft and fleet

    telling her to end it all.

    Submitted on 2008-07-24 05:39:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      courtney, my dear... that was really dark, but amaing at the ame time!!! :) i love your work... i can only imagine what prompted such thoughts... i love the imagry, and the word use... you are such a great writer!
    | Posted on 2008-07-25 00:00:00 | by Kaygrl | [ Reply to This ]
      This poem contains a broad word spectrum. You use a lot of uncommon words, I suppose you could say. They are words we use, but are not seen very much.

    The beginging is a little slow, perhaps the wording bogs it down a little, but as it moves on you create a nice rhythm and flow. It was a bit longer, but had a well written story to go with the length.

    I enjoyed your breaks, they seemed to enhance the poem a lot and that is a hard thing to do sometimes.

    I think you did a really good job on this, your word choice and rhythm really caught me off guard, you seperate yourself well from everyone else.

    | Posted on 2008-07-25 00:00:00 | by joy7542 | [ Reply to This ]

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