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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Maturity and Lonelinessdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: garnet4david
    ASL Info:    20/M/Indonesia
    Elite Ratio:    4.18 - 81/83/58
    Words: 99
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 47
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 630



    Description:
       I would like to know your comments and impressions when the first time you read this work. There was this girl who likes me and i also used to like her, but then she said that older guy is better for her since they are more mature. In fact i am 2 years younger then, i stopped loving her. Any comments and suggestions are appreciated.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMaturity and Lonelinessdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Do you know what grown up is?
    When you become more lonely,
    and forget the fairy tale.
    Silver hairs become your crown.

    You told me two lonely hearts,
    are eager to touch each other.
    My heart is burning like hell,
    I guess ours will never unite.

    Hoping this is only a nightmare,
    I hardly try to wake myself up.
    I no longer can see the stars,
    that used to shine in your eyes.

    Our memories they will remain,
    as sweet as the sweetest dream.
    Remember that though you are alone,
    my shadow is always behind you.




    Submitted on 2008-07-25 07:40:19     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I really enjoyed this poem. It has a sense of sweetness and bitterness to it which makes for a perfect balance.

    I can kinda see your girl's perspective since I find it hard myself to relate to those younger than me, let alone get involved with them. But if she liked you and you liked her, its a shame she wrote it off merely because of an age difference.

    As for your poem my fav lines are:

    'Silver hairs become your crown.'

    "Hoping this is only a nightmare,
    i hardly try to wake myself up."

    There is only one typo mistake which is the capitalization of 'i' in the 3rd verse, 2nd stanza. As for other critiques, I have none at the moment. I think overall this is really nice poem. After reading your description/background story, I feel like this poem captures the emotions well. good job
    | Posted on 2008-08-20 00:00:00 | by jaramae | [ Reply to This ]



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    January 10 07
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