Sign up to EliteSkills

Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password


Author: expiring_touch
ASL Info:    30/f/Hamburg
Elite Ratio:    3.91 - 139 /260 /173
Words: 170
Class/Type: Poetry /Misc
Total Views: 1322
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1077



When skies painted waters azure - breathing,
When flowers caught lucid fire - scathing,
When my rib cage contracted - in tempo desiderata,
I knew.

I knew -

There was no flash across my pupils,
A painful instance -
My cornea burnt with a finality,
The white blindness,
From looking at the midday sun

Or mountain snow, glaciers - try reading French,
A touch of the clouds, spinning me away
To where brightness amalgamates obscurity.

There was just that - salt.

Salt engraved into my skin, an alien,
And salt aging under the world from its beginning,
Leaving white shifting fingerprints
On the stones
In the air -

Poseidon’s hands
Trace all the crevices of a man’s life -
They leave no immobile claims -

Just white specks of realization. So bitter.

Submitted on 2008-07-25 15:09:56     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  Do you think mythology teaches us lessons?
Or is it just a fancy tale, of Gods and unspeakable desires.
Similar to following the lives of celebrities or a favorite soap opera.
| Posted on 2009-01-13 00:00:00 | by EpsilonpsiiChi | [ Reply to This ]
  the idea of poseidon's hands is terribly inventive, and made me smile at the originality of it. so, you speak of tears on a very grand scale, how it blinds and becomes turgid and bitter, and very... primal, unable to be escaped.

this is monumental in scope and vision, very wild and free, yet melancholy.
| Posted on 2008-07-25 00:00:00 | by discombobulated | [ Reply to This ]
  Let me say I think this is brilliant. It's wonderful. It's complete and I see nothing I would change. I loved it and it's a Fav.

When things changed - "I knew."

There was no great revalation, just a slow realization, the residue of a relationship. It came with hurled insults and a "bitter" ending - "Salt."

You have expressed this is such a subtle way, with clever imaging, and hints of philosophy. It's like an acceptance that comes long after the event, so that we look back with a new wisdom of experience.

It would be difficult to choose a portion that I could call a favorite, yet I want to highlight what drew me to this: The first three stanzas are beautiful, but what caught me was,

"There was just that - salt."

Maybe it's the simplicity of the line compared to the colorfull images of all the others, the contrast. Somehow that one word "Salt" takes on many new meanings; bitterness, realization, destiny,

Stanza 4 is fantastic, showing the hurt, the "stones," the underlying truths. I think it's brilliant, so subtle, yet so true to its meaning.

Again, high praise for this one, I loved it.

| Posted on 2008-07-25 00:00:00 | by phil askew | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?