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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I. In Dire Needdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Crestfallenman
    ASL Info:    21/M/CA
    Elite Ratio:    4.7 - 593/819/331
    Words: 186
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 60
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1249



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI. In Dire Needdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Look around my friend,
    Contemplate on your suffering,
    Did you really ease your pain,
    When you were riding your luck,
    Did you think of your ends?
    Grab the strength to turn away?
    Did you ease the pain?

    Sustain the pressure,
    Hold down your versions of reality,
    Just for a moment,
    Just for that second.
    Did you ease the pain?

    Dire need of the answers,
    And an unfinished quest,
    Has put me to my knees,
    Begging for these moments to pass,
    Begging for peace and relief.
    Did you ever really love?
    Did she mean everything to you?
    If so, why is she so distant,
    Distant from the shore,
    The shore of your life.

    If one could show,
    And if one can feel,
    Did you ease the pain?

    If one could live,
    As one can cower,
    Did you really ease the pain?

    Did you really ease your pain.

    My friend,
    Step out of the blame,
    Step out of the circle,
    Seclude from the population,
    Break the habits.

    And you will ease the pain.

    Contemplate your change,
    To ease my pain.




    Submitted on 2008-07-26 06:11:28     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I particularly love the way this ends, you make your release dependent on your friend's change.

    It speaks to me that we are interwoven with the people we relate with. Somehow, what happens to them affects us and vice versa. Sometimes we want to downplay this but you bring it out nicely.

    The repetition is good. Loved it.

    This is a good one.
    | Posted on 2008-08-26 00:00:00 | by nevender | [ Reply to This ]
      This reads as an advise column with some good advise, it obviously comes from the experienced side of the equation. I really like the second stanza, that part about "your versions of reality" in particular. It almost sounds like something mechanical/action oriented, something a MAN would do.

    The third stanza tells of the personal experience, while "My friend,
    Step out of the blame,
    Step out of the circle,
    Seclude from the population,
    Break the habits." is some of the best advise I've heard.

    Good work.
    | Posted on 2008-07-28 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]


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