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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Forever Today.dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: CourtneyLynne
    ASL Info:    17/female/Washington
    Elite Ratio:    4.99 - 47/51/43
    Words: 225
    Class/Type: Poetry/Romance
    Total Views: 81
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 1506



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsForever Today.dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Forever ago i wrote a song
    about life as it was
    never taking the time to look around.
    Assuming that roses were red
    and the sky was blue.

    Today my heart looked up,
    and in this world i saw that
    not only were roses blue,
    but the sky was gray.

    I wondered at my ignorance,
    pondered at my fear
    of knowing nothing,
    yet thinking still.

    then a single simple call,
    a fluid gasp of heartfelt words,
    turned the roses back to red
    changed my life so the sky was blue.

    softly holding on to fate
    as if my heart would simply break,
    if i didn't hear him speak
    my soothing cooling worded man.

    forming love in banded words
    speaking of serenity
    paving a fluid path in gold
    right to my heart.

    His softened lips,
    speaking, heavy and sensual
    weave cotton into silk
    and cause heartbreak to cease.

    Flutterings, like butterflies,
    or tremors in the hand
    shaking with fear
    or pleasure,

    So hard to be sure
    if in itself all his eloquence
    is enough or too much
    for simply words to relate to.

    Fearing, longing for the day
    when all heartbreak fades to love
    again i caress the softened phrases
    he creates with loving words.










    Submitted on 2008-07-26 16:13:16     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      All biases aside, I absolutely adored this poem. You really pulled away from a lot of the clichés you occasionally fell into with your other poems, and your imagery is so unique, so vivid, its almost tasty. Not to mention I always prefer a reflectively happy poem over a reflectively sad poem, and you really seemed upbeat in this. A sense of care-free happiness, combined with a youthful passion. The way your words seem to retain a sense of honest purity, rather than a forced write was refreshing. Your repetition, with the sky and roses brought the entire thing together... and made it into a sort of fantasy. Im glad you werent too reliant on rhyme in this poem, you are usually a great rhymer, but you fall into using it too much, and forcing the occasional word. In THIS poem, I saw none of that, which makes the message all the more pristine. This is YOU and its what YOU feel. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. I noticec something like a change of pace at the end... the entire poem turns around almost. You were so positive... so hopeful... so blissfully captivated. Then all of a sudden at the end you second guess yourself, and brace in for some kind of future heart break. Thats something you should never predict... you can keep a cautious type of fear, but never let it control your actions or emotions. Otherwise you'll miss out on all the joy life has to offer.
    | Posted on 2008-07-31 00:00:00 | by Passionbyapathy | [ Reply to This ]


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