[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Everytime the Same. dots

    Author: Herrick
    ASL Info:    20/M/AL
    Elite Ratio:    3.5 - 20/29/11
    Words: 184
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 737
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1242

       Gonna add more to this eventually. Only the part after the line is what I intend to be read... the rest just has to go with it.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsEverytime the Same. dots

    We always recover
    And it's always the same
    Always a lie, you cry
    Everything is good again
    We say it will change
    Never fall in the same hole
    We're back here again
    What the hell you do expect?
    I wouldn't notice the lie in your voice?
    That I wouldn't care this time
    after "I'm so sorry"
    Well you're wrong.
    I do care.

    I'm not doing this anymore
    Where do we go from here?
    Fix it till it happens again
    Just sit down and drink a beer
    Move on and forget about it
    Thats how it works, right?
    So thats what you expect
    When I call back tonight

    Not this time

    I dont know where to go
    Or what its going to take
    There will be no "I'm sorry"
    Already sounds so fake
    Yet, one way or another
    It's going to change tonight
    This can't happen anymore
    And I really don't want to fight
    I guess all I have left is hope
    That when its done, we'll be alright.

    Submitted on 2008-07-27 05:34:52     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I don't mean to put in a lot of personal advice, But, trying to make things work is the best way to keep a relationship going, and trust her if she says shes sorry.

    On the poem...You're satisfied up to the line, but past the line your ify?

    I like the gradual conclusion of the poem. But, I think that maybe a little tweaking NOT heavy changes will bring the poem to where you want it, Maybe run through it again, editing very little.

    | Posted on 2008-07-27 00:00:00 | by dismal_s child | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Push written by JanePlane
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Linger written by saartha
    Your Lover written by Cordell
    World I No Longer Want written by ForgottenGraves
    written by Daniel Barlow
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    Alone in the Crowd written by SavedDragon
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    You do, I Do written by poetotoe
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    Fasade written by jackz
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Brigit written by endlessgame23
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    written by Daniel Barlow




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]