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    dots Submission Name: Fire From the Skydots

    Author: dismal_s child
    ASL Info:    19/F/On A Carousel
    Elite Ratio:    3.24 - 451/419/172
    Words: 251
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 796
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1745


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFire From the Skydots

    I looked out, I saw the rows of homes.
    Life continuing, as if they'd live.
    Families sitting down to dinner
    Lovers fight and forgive,
    Its monotony
    Its revolutionary
    And I have to be
    The only one wary

    'Cause I know the meteors coming closer.
    Coming to crash in my heart.
    The fire's spreading further,
    Tearing you and I apart
    and the heat feels so right
    yet, no one understands my frieght.

    I held you, shaking, almost in tears,
    I don't want things to die
    like the words in my mouth,
    But, I dont wanna cry.
    Oh time streches before me
    Another cruel joke, a spiteful jest,
    Years before we become free,
    And, My heart turns to stone.
    Bled completly dry
    I am crowded but alone,
    And why should I try?

    'Cause I know the meteors coming closer
    Coming to suck me lifeless,
    The fires spearding further
    It's flames lick and caress
    And the heat feels so right,
    because I'm alone tonight.

    They're tearing us away.
    I'm not backing down
    but, I'm fading away.
    I told you I needed you
    I'm tripping every other second
    And no ones catching me
    I was a force to reckon
    Now I am my plea.
    I wanna go.
    I wanna see light,
    I wanna escape
    I wanna be free.

    'Cause the meteors coming closer,
    It almost here, be careful,
    The fire's spreading further,
    A simple push and pull,
    And It's eating me alive,
    This time I won't survive

    Submitted on 2008-07-28 22:38:11     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This one was actually surprisingly amazing on a lot of different levels... Its going to get a +fav from me for sure. You have a lot of typos that need to be addressed, but your form is very solid, and I loved the perspective your poem took. In the beginning it was like some small person... sitting on the moon... looking down at the earth with a magnifying glass... but then you twisted it into your own personal world, with an impending meteorite imminent. I thought it was casual, but strong... smooth and concise. Hope to see more writing of this particular style. (try to pull a little bit further away from rhyme, while you kept a safe distance throughout most of this, there were times it looked like you relied on it to progress the poem).
    | Posted on 2008-08-03 00:00:00 | by Passionbyapathy | [ Reply to This ]
      be patient, Little One.

    i know it's hard, but use the time you have now to work on accomplishing your goals...

    beautiful write!

    love and kisses
    hugz n misses,
    | Posted on 2008-08-03 00:00:00 | by ruejacobs | [ Reply to This ]
    now I though you we could make it that everything will be allright and that you will wait but baby you gotta realize that we are going to be lonely sometimes b/c we don't get to talk like we use to but we screwed that up

    but hey I love you okay and don't worry okay I know your scared and I'm scared to but don't let that fear be the reason we fall apart okay

    I love you babe kepp strong its only a year and 2 months
    babe thats nothing okay I love you
    bye baby
    | Posted on 2008-07-29 00:00:00 | by anguished_child | [ Reply to This ]
      wow, this is really good, a lot of great imagery in it, and the theme is really creative, i felt it deeply and enjoyed reading it.....great work
    | Posted on 2008-07-29 00:00:00 | by buryingthepast | [ Reply to This ]

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