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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Lip of the Gravedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: MC white
    ASL Info:    20/Male/Ohio
    Elite Ratio:    3.26 - 71/73/45
    Words: 87
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 462
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 555



    Description:
       it's pretty much as close to rap as I get. love it when I feel a beat.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLip of the Gravedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Allow ME to reminisce
    about the life I lead
    from the lip of the grave
    before I R.I.P
    and jump in
    just give in
    and let the current take me
    like a friend
    and I sin
    almost as much as I breathe

    but it only adds up
    if you take time to count
    so I red-line this bitch
    before the devil finds out
    that I'm sittin here,
    waitin here,
    wishin I could feel the fear

    take another breath
    let it out
    just another year




    Submitted on 2008-07-29 03:24:51     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      "but it only adds up
    if you take time to count
    so I red-line this [censored]
    before the devil finds out"

    How about:

    "but it only adds up
    if you take time to count
    so I red-line this [censored]
    before the devil found out"

    Works better with the flow and context by changing "finds" to "found"

    Very well written, i felt everything. this was by the way my favorite stanza

    Brian

    | Posted on 2008-08-02 00:00:00 | by b_v_grant | [ Reply to This ]
      very nice....that was deep "wishin I could feel the fear" i think I know exactly what you mean
    | Posted on 2008-07-29 00:00:00 | by buryingthepast | [ Reply to This ]
      the ending statement is [censored] amazing!
    | Posted on 2008-07-29 00:00:00 | by SoftOrangeGlow | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



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    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
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