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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Lip of the Gravedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: MC white
    ASL Info:    20/Male/Ohio
    Elite Ratio:    3.26 - 71/73/45
    Words: 87
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 481
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 555



    Description:
       it's pretty much as close to rap as I get. love it when I feel a beat.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLip of the Gravedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Allow ME to reminisce
    about the life I lead
    from the lip of the grave
    before I R.I.P
    and jump in
    just give in
    and let the current take me
    like a friend
    and I sin
    almost as much as I breathe

    but it only adds up
    if you take time to count
    so I red-line this bitch
    before the devil finds out
    that I'm sittin here,
    waitin here,
    wishin I could feel the fear

    take another breath
    let it out
    just another year




    Submitted on 2008-07-29 03:24:51     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      "but it only adds up
    if you take time to count
    so I red-line this [censored]
    before the devil finds out"

    How about:

    "but it only adds up
    if you take time to count
    so I red-line this [censored]
    before the devil found out"

    Works better with the flow and context by changing "finds" to "found"

    Very well written, i felt everything. this was by the way my favorite stanza

    Brian

    | Posted on 2008-08-02 00:00:00 | by b_v_grant | [ Reply to This ]
      very nice....that was deep "wishin I could feel the fear" i think I know exactly what you mean
    | Posted on 2008-07-29 00:00:00 | by buryingthepast | [ Reply to This ]
      the ending statement is [censored] amazing!
    | Posted on 2008-07-29 00:00:00 | by SoftOrangeGlow | [ Reply to This ]


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