IV. The Chronic by Crestfallenman

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Submission Name: IV. The Chronic dots

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Author:	Crestfallenman
ASL Info:	21/M/CA
Elite Ratio:	4.7 - 593/819/331
Words:	19

Class/Type:	Poetry/Happy
Total Views:	59
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	162

Description:

IV. The Chronic dots

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Drifting;
Similar.
To smoke in the air;
I see,
I watch,
I choose.
Flying;
So beautifully,
Around my world.

Submitted on 2008-07-29 05:21:12 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  This could read better.

Drifting;
Similar
To smoke in the air.
I see,
I watch,
I choose.
Flying;
So beautifully,
Around my world.

I however feel this could have been written by someone under some sort of influence, how does one fly?

This could be someone on drugs, potent alcohol or something....

Well...I wonder.
| Posted on 2008-08-26 00:00:00 | by nevender | [ Reply to This ]
  This is beautiful altho the punctuation almost confused me. I love how you used the smoke in this piece.
I bet you are one talented brother.
I love this piece.

Joel
| Posted on 2008-08-26 00:00:00 | by nevender | [ Reply to This ]
  I think you describe the feeling of happiness well, and I really like the punctuation.
I did feel that the phrase "so beautifully" was weak, and that you could omit that.
I also love the simplicity of this poem, and how, despite its simplicity, I had to work to get to its core.
| Posted on 2008-07-31 00:00:00 | by LunaMoth | [ Reply to This ]

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