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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Conformity dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: EmpathicAya
    ASL Info:    13+8/unMale/Your Mind
    Elite Ratio:    7.31 - 700/456/109
    Words: 70
    Class/Type: Misc/Venting
    Total Views: 974
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 601



    Description:
       Ok, so spacelessness is not a word. But I like how it sounds, so I'm keeping it.
    ~Azura*


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsConformity dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Gossamer-skinned soul
    hovers
    higher and lower

    astral

    formed from verb's erosion,
    the sea
    not being the only one
    that fad e s

    through time and pain
    calluses formed and worn
    away
    into spacelessness, sucking apathy

    a void

    they look through, waiting
    for it to fill
    for it to close

    into something
    they think
    is better

    to look at.




    Submitted on 2008-07-30 16:34:19     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    2: I dunno...
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    ||| Comments |||
      You are a poet, you can invent words, we have a licence for it. I like "spacelessness" because there is not another word with htat meaning! Do you like "htat"? I think the meaning is vacant, but I love typos.
    | Posted on 2009-03-03 00:00:00 | by Glen Bowman | [ Reply to This ]
      ah yeah it is good though...I don't mind spaciousness at all,its one of the better things about this poem I think,

    a also liked the fading fade,it could be seen as gimmicky but the fact you used a word that isn't real elsewhere gives it enough continuity for it to add to the piece

    yeah its empty and quiet and no brooding,but maybe kind of mournfull,I dunno

    If I have to find my own view of what your trying to say here itd be that heavan and hell are only ways we can perceive existence,how we want to see it

    but thats not actually what your saying here!

    is it???????

    let me know and all,thanks for the read

    -Craig
    | Posted on 2008-10-20 00:00:00 | by Raphael | [ Reply to This ]
      Even though this is a venting poem, it doesn't patronise or force the author's opinion on you, but rather lets you decide what to think while cleverly illustrating the facts to point you in a certain direction. Excellent work.
    Somehow, though, I feel that this poem is so far the bare bones of what it could be. Feed it lots of oatmeal and...
    Actually, just flesh out some of the ideas, particularly in the middle. Also, I think "Conformity," though a fine topic, is not the ideal title, as it might make readers judge the quality of your poem before even reading it. It's a bit clichéd, too. I suggest a tite change.
    Last thing: I love how the word "fades" fades in the third bit.
    | Posted on 2008-07-31 00:00:00 | by LunaMoth | [ Reply to This ]


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