Babylon by lebeauvide

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Submission Name: Babylon dots

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Author:	lebeauvide
Elite Ratio:	2.91 - 75/179/84
Words:	97

Class/Type:	Poetry/Depressed
Total Views:	142
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	640

Description:
We are the same, she and I.

Babylon

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The city is steeped in filth and decay
Drowning in the Evil she breeds
She's held together by spiderweb shams
But deep in her bowels she bleeds.

This is the place I call home
Babylon, where I reside
She's a cage for every criminal
A city built on lies

Her patrons fall to their knees
And worship ideas people sell
Her towers and gates stand high
To protect the city from herself

The stronghold of demons and blasphemy
A people condemned to die
Alas, Babylon must fall
And with her, so shall I.

Submitted on 2008-07-31 02:53:04 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
The night is always darkest before the dawn... Babylon was never meant to fall, it just became this steamrolling machine with nobody steering. And that, as nobody knows well, is the symbolic effigy of complete anarchy, which is the fall of any society.. but then what is society? The individual becomes a whore within what is meant to be a protension of the individual. The ones that get on top, the bourgeoisie are either born into nobility like hellions, or they trample others on their way up. Is that a price worth being payed? And if you become renowned because of your honesty, and your good deeds, it is only among the poor and needy... and what can they give you?

I noticed you had a little rhyme scheme going on... however you slacked on one of them.. which most likely will make any reader miss the scheme completely. Instead of herself.. I guess you could write her hell, as it would kind of follow the meaning you intend while holding to the scheme more tightly. But does that serve your meaning? Does "herself"? I understand how futile these words are, but believe me I'm trying to tell you something. Why would a city need to protect itself from herself.. unless the city is tragic. But does that serve your purpose? To be a tragic thing. I mean.. isn't that too easy? Isn't that one of the ideas being sold, cheaply, for credit of credit for work we've all stopped doing.

I guess there is no purpose in commenting on this piece.. if it is what I surmise it to be, for an individual cry in the public eye is nothing but self-torture. But overall I find you could work on the words some more... I like the general idea you put into this, it's quite ingenious in its own way, in that way... Patriotism. But how far can it go before the person becomes nothing but a tool to the idea, a living extension to something that only our understanding can conceive, our intuitive nature... And is that intuitive nature even on the money when it comes to being correct?

I guess you've accomplished a tragedy... Bravo.
| Posted on 2008-08-04 00:00:00 | by Outlaw | [ Reply to This ]
Interesting poem. I like how you show that you can see the crimes going on inside Babylon, but you're still sad that it will fall. It seems as if you have sympathy for the city, which is an interesting idea. However, I think the idea might work better if you showed some of the good things about Babylon too.
| Posted on 2008-08-01 00:00:00 | by LunaMoth | [ Reply to This ]

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