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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Passionate.dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: CourtneyLynne
    ASL Info:    23/female/Washington
    Elite Ratio:    5.37 - 74/70/56
    Words: 418
    Class/Type: Prose/Love
    Total Views: 1133
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 2454



    Description:
       <3 <3 <3


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPassionate.dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Him: baby... if your smile could melt bones I'd turn to mush, or maybe you could scratch and scorch my skin to ash and dust... you light a fire under me, its such a pleasant rush, I cant let you go.

    Him: Passion burns a scarlet red, like strawberries and rosy lips. Juicy with seductive bites, and sweet with soft embraces. A kiss so fine, it'd blow my mind, with lips that curve in tune. To the song that we've both been singing, since that night beneath the moon.

    Him: Close your eyes and pay no mind to the world in its rotation. It spins and spurns the young to learn the throes of love in kind, like white winter snow and love bestowed from our fingertips entwined. Ill brush those lips and breathe your kiss and touch your very soul. From way down deep, ill watch you sleep, and warm your heart of gold. You'd dream and sigh and clutch my sides, and l'd hold you till you calmed, I'd let you cry, and wipe your eyes, and then ill take your heart with mine.

    --------------------------------------------------------------

    Her: My heart sings in tune to the sweet, succulent melodies your words weave, caressing my soul softly, a lover's touch. The delicate silk of lips to ear, a simple phrase left lingering, a pinprick of fantasy left as memories on my eyes. Hot, sharpened uncut passion, right to the quick, faster than the racing of my fevered heart. The simplest grazing of your hand, tracing the line of my slender jaw, relaying a myriad of defined and forgotten heartaches. The taste of lips, ambrosial, a delicious golden dialect spoken with sensuality in mind.

    Her: Fiery and tender, sweeter than snowfall, holding you ever closer than skin on skin. Breathing in your sweetened scent, delicious like passion fruit, delectable on it's own.
    and Oh! How you taste, It sends me lightyears above to waltz with the moon, to relay to the stars my love for you. In your eyes I only see liquid fire, burning alchemy that shoots hot pleasure through my body and soul, a flaming arrow destined to burn for eternity, or a coalescing flame close to my heart.

    Her: Come, dance with me among my wildest dreams, where reality can't touch our form. Darling, we'll fly among the butterflies and touch the sapphire sky. We can even touch the sun, for our hearts do burn as bright.







    Submitted on 2008-07-31 22:07:12     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      hmm... when you say "thoughts" what exactly...? haha. Well, it sounds like a song :) even Time to Say Goodbye came to mind or Song of Solomon (not really a song, but... yeah) that's divided like that.

    You put in a lot of description that touches every sense of the body. I enjoyed imagining them with those rich words! Does not feel like they are human, more like angels, or another kind of being.

    Not quite sure what more I can say. Very creative idea =^.^=

    *dee
    | Posted on 2008-12-06 00:00:00 | by silverdrika | [ Reply to This ]
      Two words:

    'Celestial Honey'

    That's what comes to my mind as I read this. This is mind-blowing, leaving me sad and content at the same time. I wish to knew how you did this, because it illuminates my soul.

    Well done.

    ~AsiaticFox
    P.S. Sorry, I just don't know what else to say.
    | Posted on 2008-08-04 00:00:00 | by AsiaticFox | [ Reply to This ]
      Even though I contributed to this... and have read it as many (numerous) times as I have... I felt the need to express how incredible it is, and give you a detailed comment on how it impacts me.

    I love the fact that its free verse, because to be honest im never able to get the strength of meaning across with rhyme that I am with free verse. The absolute delicate emotion you were able to capture, the raw strength of it, was just amazing. It was like a series of little passionate pin pricks, and It sensually just sparks a chain of romantic heart skips as you read on through. It creates this brilliant contrast of complimentary experiences, hot and cold, fast and slow, forceful and gentle, strong and soft. Its just absolutely appealing to the senses. Beyond the imagery there are parts about dancing up on the moon among others that paint pretty dreams in my mind that make me smile while remaining so envious and desiring something that perfect and intense so very much. You are really finding your poetic nitch I think... and I cant wait to reading and maybe being a part of your future poetry. :) <3
    | Posted on 2008-08-02 00:00:00 | by Passionbyapathy | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the rhythm of the words and I like the division between male and female It worked well, I love the way you described the passion and love as almost seperate beings, Ima gunna Favorite it.

    ~Carrie
    | Posted on 2008-08-01 00:00:00 | by dismal_s child | [ Reply to This ]
      Gog linked me this last night, and i commented him on YM...
    but i figured I should comment here so you can know what i think as well.

    when i read this, i only read the first three him parts, and then i thought right away, omgosh that is the most amazing thing he has every written.

    and then, i continued to read the whole thing, and thought to myself that this is the finest piece of writing i have seen on all of elite these past...4 years i think it is.

    I think that this is a beautiful piece of art as well as a masterful piece of literature. I have half a mind to write this in calligraphy, stain the paper with tea bags, and frame them as old time love letters.

    wonderful experience i've had reading these.
    beautiful language you have.
    it sure isn't english.

    A kiss so fine, it'd blow my mind, with lips that curve in tune. To the song that we've both been singing, since that night beneath the moon.

    Oh! How you taste, It sends me lightyears above to waltz with the moon, to relay to the stars my love for you.

    <3!
    | Posted on 2008-08-01 00:00:00 | by was_i_ever_real | [ Reply to This ]
      I love the way this could almost be sung, no, strike that, could be sung (I'm doing a little test right now). I love how it's written almost like a script, and how you broke up the the first person's speech into digestible and poetic (wow, that sounds weird) chunks.
    I think the last part--Her speech--could use a bit more of the rhythm that His speeches have, although I love the word choice.
    There are some puncuation problems. Are they intentional? If not, just so you know.
    | Posted on 2008-07-31 00:00:00 | by LunaMoth | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
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    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
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    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
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    12. Does it feel original?



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    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

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